6 Lessons of Group Sex

Black and white photo of two silhouettes kissing.
Photo by Hoang Loc on Pexels.com

So, last week I let you in on my not-so little secret: I had a foursome with my fiancé! Although I am no expert on group sex (yet!), I thought I would share the 6 lessons learned from this group sex experience…

1. Communication is Lubrication.

It all comes down to communication. Unfortunately, in our case, there was none. Even if 80% of communication is based on body language – and there was a lot of that – James and I went into this foursome blind. Neither of us knew what Red and Blue were looking for exactly. Guesswork and sex can be a dangerous combination, as it increases risk of people’s boundaries being crossed. If there had been more talk around our individual desires and limits, perhaps James and Blue could have been more physically involved with Red and I. As well, perhaps we’d have discovered elements of kink we all enjoy. Which brings me to my next point

2. James sans Domination is a Bad Combination.

Perhaps the word “bad” is overbearing, as J remained present and involved; however, without domination, James doesn’t reach a level of fulfillment that makes the experience worth it. If you are new to the alternative-sex world, there are three levels to fetishism: optional, preferred, and exclusive. James falls somewhere between preferred and exclusive, meaning sex without domination is less appealing at best, and rejectable at worst.

Working in the theme of communication, if you have sexual preferences that directly impact your overall satisfaction, it may be important to mention them beforehand. Because it was our first time, we overlooked this key step. We now understand how critical it is in deciphering compatibility and determining if pleasure is possible for everyone involved.

3. Connection!

If you read my retelling of the night, you’ll know that I didn’t even speak the same language as Red and Blue. They are French with absolutely no English vocabulary. So, how did it work so well?

The moment Red walked into the bar I could feel her presence. Her smile disarmed me; her fearless pursuit drew me in. She was respectful in her approach, a gentle and fierce concoction of magnetic energy. I melted into it. It was her confidence and warmth that made me comfortable, not her words. I could sense there was no judgment, that her and Blue were only there for a good time. During the moments Red effortlessly seduced me, Blue and James were off having their own conversations. They discussed their sexuality, their relationships with their women, their experience as sexually open individuals. There was a level of ease between all of us – connection.

4. You Booze, You Lose.

Let’s be real, I was quite intoxicated the night of the foursome, so, did I really lose? In saying that, if I could go back, I’d put a cap on it. Literally! Alcohol always runs the risk of things going awry…

Regardless of what some may believe, being drunk did not aid in my anxiety. On top of that, I woke up with gaping holes in my memory. You would think a first-time experience like this would brand itself onto my psyche; instead, my morning consisted of a pounding headache and interrogating James.

I get that I’m a specific case, as alcohol and I have a strained relationship. I don’t drink hard liquor and can’t mix between wines or beers without a guaranteed hangover. This specific morning was a disaster. Insecurities fell on me like a ton of bricks:

“Holy shit, was I good?”

“What if I see them in the hallway and I can’t communicate properly?”

“Did I just do something that could destroy my relationship?”

“Am I normal for having shared the man I love with another couple?”

“What does J think of me?”.

To say my train of thought was debilitating is putting it mildly. This lasted three days and transitioned into the flu.

In retrospect, I understand that between the alcohol and the situation, I stressed my body out so severely that I literally brought on illness. Moral of this story: rethink the booze before slipping into first -time sexperiences

5. Go as Slow as the Slowest Partner.

I shared my fiancé, and he shared me. We entered the experience knowing we both enthusiastically consented. We were on the same page.

With that said, I want to make something very clear… If one partner is hesitating even in the slightest, back the fuck off! One thing that can ruin a relationship faster than an affair, is pressuring your partner into having that affair with you.

If you’re both on this side of the fence together, speak about what’s holding you back. Discuss your fears and limits. Even if something doesn’t seem logical to you, it’s critical that you respect your partner’s wishes. For example, is kissing allowed?It may sound strange since getting naked with others is on the table, but you’d be surprised with how many people have this boundary! So, really explore together, and get to know these things before engaging.

When the experience is over, revisit that conversation and discuss if anything else came up for you. It’s a new world, therefore a new process. Be patient with yourself and each other, and remember, nothing is written in stone!

6. It Can Open Worlds.

James and I did not fully switch between partners; but it opened our imagination to the idea. Seeing J with another woman reinforced my cuckquean desires. I know for certain that this is not a phase. My fiancé was touching a beautiful human, and she was touching him. Something inside of me lit up.

This experience reminded me that there are people like us. James and I are not abnormal. In fact, we are free. We are compatible in our love and sexuality, and there’s an urge to dive deeper. Having a foursome, engaging with wonderful, like minded humans, made us realize that everything we desire is attainable and that pleasure is a great compass.

Until next time,

Fuck-well, friends!

Quean Mo xx


So, tell me, have you ever experienced group sex? If not, does it intrigue you?

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