1) It all comes down to this – Emily’s (Sex with Emily) famous saying: Communication is Lubrication. Unfortunately, in this case, there was none. Even if there was a lot of body language and flirting, I went into this foursome blind. I had no idea what the other party expected. Because of this, there was a lot of guesswork, which, luckily, worked in my favor. However, if there had been more talk about our individual desires and limits, a lot of the initial stress would have been diminished. As well, we may have been able to incorporate certain kinks that Master J and I are seeking in other partners. This brings me to my next point…
2) Master J – Domination = A Bad Combination. Okay, maybe the word “bad” is a bit strong, because he was completely present and involved…the problem is without domination, Master J doesn’t see the point in having sex (or sharing me) with others. The “sweet” stuff, if we can call it that, is something he leaves for the two of us…and even then, our version of “sweet” sex still includes bondage and the occasional spanking. Vanilla…it just doesn’t exist between us, so why, he wonders, would we create that outside of our relationship? So, similar to the previous point, if you have specific needs that need to be fulfilled in order to have successful group sex, these things should be spoken about prior. In our experience, there is no blame for the lack in communication. It was simply a missed step that we now know is pivotal for our sexual satisfaction.
3) Connection is Key! If you read my retelling of the night, you’ll know that I didn’t even speak the same language as Red and Blue (the couple we had the foursome with – they’re French). So, how the hell did it work so well?
From the moment Red walked into the bar, I could feel her presence, her wanting me, and ultimately, her fearlessness in pursuing me. She was respectful in her approach. Her energy was gentle, yet fierce, and I melted into it. I was putty in her hands. Surprisingly, I was quite comfortable with it – perhaps it’s the submissive in me. Her confidence (not her words) reassured me that there was no judgement, just lust, just the desire to have fun together. During the moments Red effortlessly wooed me, Blue and Master J had a conversation with each other about Red and Blue’s sexuality (swinging lifestyle), their experience, and how Blue was not interested in men sexually. Together, Blue and Master J opened their own door of comfort with each other, understanding that their interest was in the women, not each other. It was clear, effortless, and just simply felt right.
4) You Booze, You Lose. Let’s be real, I had my first foursome and I was hammered. So, did I really lose? No. But if I could go back, I definitely would have put a cap on it. Why?
For one, regardless of the “liquid courage” theory, I was still scared shitless, and being a sloppy, drunken mess didn’t help with that anxiety. I was lucky that the severity of the situation kind of tapped me out of my stupor long enough for me to perform properly. In saying that, the anxiety mixed with the booze left some gaping holes in my memory. You’d think a first time experience like this would brand itself to your psyche, in the same way the loss of one’s virginity does. Instead, I woke up to flashes of brief memories, with darkness in between. So, ya, if you booze, you lose, well, most (if not all) of your recollection of what happened the night before.
I get that I’m kind of a specific case, as alcohol and I have always had a strained relationship – I don’t drink liquor anymore due to this, just wine, beer and the occasional champagne – and the morning after was no exception. My anxiety was through the roof. And unlike other morning’s where I’ve woken up to anxiety that was simply booze-induced, this time I was bombarded with layers of worry that translated into something like this: “holy shit, was I good?”; “what if I see them in the hall and I can’t speak to them because they speak French?”; “did I just do something that will destroy my relationship?”, “am I normal for having shared the man I love with another couple?”; “what does Master J think of me?”. Let’s just say there was a lot of unnecessary insecurity that arose due to the booze cruise I had gladly hopped on the night before. This anxiety lasted three days, and then turned into the flu.
In retrospect, I understand that I may have so severely stressed myself out and, in combination with the immunity-damaging amount of liquor I had drank, forced my body into a vulnerable state, literally bringing on illness. Moral of the story: don’t get hammered before a foursome, folks!
5) Words of Warning. I shared my man, and he shared me. We went into this knowing we were okay with it; on the same page. My first advice here is, if one partner is even the slightest bit hesitant…back the fuck off! The one thing that can ruin a relationship faster than an affair, is coercing your partner into having that affair with you. However, if you’re both on this side of the fence together, speak about your limits. For example: Can he kiss her?Can she kiss him? Sounds strange when you’ll be getting naked with other people, but you’d be surprised with how many couples have this boundary: “lips, off limits!” Find your boundaries before engaging. And speak about it. If you discover other things make you uncomfortable after engaging, revisit the conversation. It’s a new world, therefore a new process. In saying that, these are my honest (and final) feelings about my first experience:
6) It Can Open Worlds. Even if Master J and I didn’t do a full switch between partners, the four of us were always completely engaged with one another in some form (I’ll leave the details of that one to your imagination). Seeing Master J with another woman, even in the mildest way, played as a catalyst; reinforcement of my own sexuality and how profoundly my cuckquean fantasy runs. It’s not a phase. It’s not an experiment. This shit is real, and this foursome proved it. There was a true and beautiful woman, he was touching her, she was touching him, and something inside of me lit up. If the door to my curiosity had been cracked prior to this experience, this experience blew it wide open, ripping it from its hinges. And I’ve never replaced that door. There are other people like us. Perhaps with varying definitions of what gets them going, but they exist. We are not abnormal. In fact, we are free. We have a love and a sexuality that is compatible, with the urge to dive in deeper. Forget the door, we want to blow the roof off! And we have our entire lives to do it. Having a foursome, engaging with wonderful, like minded humans, made us realize that everything we desire is attainable.
7)Worth the Thrill. ‘Nuff said.
Have you ever had a 3/4 some? Tell me about it. If not, what are your thoughts?
Until next time,