Part of the Real As Fuck Collection
Friends! I am beyond excited about this, as it’s my first Q and A article! Huge thanks and appreciation to everyone who submitted questions, whether by email, via Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter. It’s such an honour to have you here, interested in what I do and think. Your support and curiosity keep me motivated and eager to see where this platform takes us!
To respect the inquirers, I have left the questions anonymous. Q and A’s are ongoing, so don’t hesitate to reach out! All answers are my own. On that note…let’s get started!
What are your fetishes and fantasies?
If you’re a COTQ regular, you’ll know my ultimate fantasy is cuckqueaning; after all, it is the foundation of this blog.
Watching James have sexual interactions with other women is a very intense and desirable experience for me. If we are to look specifically at the fetish behind this fantasy, I think it is two-fold: Domination/submission and my lust for luxury. I don’t imagine some cheap or trashy environment, but rather a classic play setting, similar to that of Les Chandelles or a private room in a stunning hotel.
I enjoy the play between James and other women – him in his primal state, her in a vulnerable and trusting space. It’s live, ethical porn, starring the man I love.
Other fetishes I have include pain, bondage, humiliation, anything with leather and studs/spikes, men in suits, lingerie, high heels and masks. I enjoy mild age play, specially taking the role of a bratty teenager, and James, a disciplinary role, such as a teacher.
Do you get jealous of other women?
Absolutely! We live in a society where women have been conditioned to compete with one another. We see in movies, shows, even amongst friends and family, women talking down to or gossiping about each other. Luckily, I’m very self-aware and can confront jealousy the moment it arises. Every day is a fight against internalized misogyny. I’m also very vocal, which allows me to communicate this jealousy to James when necessary. He is incredibly receptive, and we spend time dismantling the reasons for my jealousy and replacing it with more positive feelings.
Regarding our sexuality and my cuckquean fantasy, I’ve found that jealousy is part of the turn on. Knowing another woman wants my fiancé is flattering. I’ve learned to channel jealousy into compersion. It’s the antithesis to jealousy.
When this blog first launched in March of 2017, I had a green beast living within me. I am happy to announce that over three years later (2020 – the year of COTQ’s relaunch), that beast no longer resides here. It’s been a process, one that includes familiarizing ourselves with my cycle, and keeping communication open at all times. It also helps that we prioritize our relationship above all, meaning we protect it from any negative external influences, and work as a team, taking equal responsibility in staying connected.
Why is masturbation considered a “guy” thing?
I love this question, and I could literally write for hours about it! But I’ll try to condense it into a few points. These are the most common theories and explanations I’ve heard regarding this myth of masturbation.
- For a long time, and as a result of female oppression, women had less access to information or education regarding their own sexual functioning. In earlier centuries, when women would begin to feel extreme emotion or irritability (you know, due to menstruation, menopause, or sexual frustration), they’d be diagnosed as “hysterical.” This diagnosis was specific to women, as men were considered incapable of becoming hysterical (a notion that changed when PTSD was discovered). The “cure” for hysteria was medically induced orgasms via manual or robotic stimulation by male practitioners.
- Our society was founded in puritanical teachings; therefore, to touch oneself was (and still is in many communities) considered “self-abuse,” not self-pleasure. Certain objects and procedures have been used to deter such “abuse,” such as chastity belts and circumcision. It doesn’t help that “mature” women were deemed asexual during the nineteenth century.
- The male gaze is a dominant force in media and society as a whole. Traditional sexual education is focused on reproduction, which excludes female sexual pleasure entirely. Men, on the other hand, are required to ejaculate (ergo, receive pleasure) in order to reproduce. The clitoris is homologous to the penis, and yet its entire anatomy was only discovered a few decades ago! In much of the world, sex education remains focused on reproduction or abstinence.
- Generally speaking, the male anatomy is much more accessible as it’s an appendage that hangs from the body. From the time they are potty-trained, boys become familiar with their “parts” due to the constant handling of it during urination. Because of this, the idea of a man touching himself may feel less taboo than a woman touching herself.
This is such a delicate and enormous topic. Just remember that masturbation is natural and plays a major role in sexual development and self-esteem. Pleasure is not a sin. You have a right to your own body, regardless of what sex organs you have, what gender you identify with, or what turns you on!
I can’t orgasm through penetration alone – is something wrong with me?
This question came from a cis-gender female. She explained that in order to orgasm during penetrative sex, she has to be simultaneously stimulated by a clitoral vibrator. To that I say this:
Only 25-30% of women/vulva-owners climax through penetration alone. And those orgasms are infrequent (they don’t occur every time).
Men and women essentially have the same anatomy, it’s just arranged differently. The penis and clitoris are homologous to one another. This means they have the same origin, structure, but vary in function. This makes sense when you consider the clitoris has 8000 nerve endings, doubling that of the penis (4000 nerve endings). The clitoris has one function: pleasure. The penis, on the other hand, carries urine and semen out of the body, as well as provides pleasure when stimulated.
Here’s how I explain this to frustrated clients and friends:
Imagine trying to bring a penis to climax without touching the penis at all. Is it possible? I’m sure it is, but it also reduces the chances drastically. Well, try giving a vaginal orgasm to a person without stimulating the clitoris. It’s the same thing. You’re neglecting the primary pleasure organ.
How do I communicate my desires to my partner without them feeling criticized?
My first piece of advice for anyone wanting to communicate their sexual needs or desires is to do so in a non-sexual setting. It’s also important to be in a neutral or positive mindset when entering the conversation; not when you’re feeling angry or frustrated. Approaching your partner in a negative state may lead to them feeling attacked, and hesitant in making changes.
The next thing to remember is your desires have nothing to do with partner. Therefore, don’t make it about them! If you use language like, “I wish you would do this…” or “why can’t you do that…,” their defenses may go up. The healthier approach is to use “I” phrases. For example, “I really love it when you do this, and I’d love to experience that more.” You can also say something like, “I want to try new things, and I get so turned on when I think about us doing this…” You see, it’s about opening doors, not closing them. It’s about taking next steps forward, not back. It’s about the positive experiences you want, not the negative feelings they may have.
Once you’ve expressed your desires, thank them for listening; ask how they feel and if they have anything they’d like to share. Then listen, intently. Hear them the way they heard you.
At the end of the day, both partners should feel comfortable in voicing their opinions to each other in a healthy way. If one partner is not receiving the messages well, is getting defensive, or not showing compassion for their loved one, there may be a deeper issue (a trigger point or discomfort). If this is the case, and the conversation seems like an impossible one to have, it may be time to consider external resources, such as therapy.
Sex is a significant part of a relationship. If there’s a noticeable imbalance, it can lead to dissatisfaction and resentment. Of course, every relationship is unique and should be defined by the parties involved. If there is a sense of neglect, or dissatisfaction, even after having communicated ones concerns (and seeking external help, such as therapy, if deemed necessary), there is nothing wrong with terminating a relationship on these grounds. Sexual health and fulfillment is an essential part of life.
What is “humiliation,” and what kind do you like?
In the BDSM community, humiliation or “erotic humiliation” is an element of Domination/submission play. It is when an individual becomes sexually excited when being degraded by a partner or play mate who is usually in a more Dominant role. There are several forms of humiliation, but my favourites are:
- Name calling and belittling
- Having an assigned dress code
- Wearing a collar and leash to show ownership
- Forced repetition (repeating James when he uses degrading language)
- Discipline, such as spanking
Do you only have hardcore sex?
If we’re defining “hardcore” sex as BDSM, no I do not only have hardcore sex.
In saying that, James and I require intensity. This is what makes him and I sexually compatible, as “soft” sex doesn’t appeal to us. James requires an element of Domination, even if it’s imaginary.
Before J, did you have other D/s relationships?
No. Never. Before James, I had two long-term relationships. The first, from the age of 14 to 17. The second, from the age of 18 to 23.
In my first relationship I was sexually unaware, and the second, we were utterly incompatible. There were moments I tried incorporating kink but was met with disinterest.
James was honest about his sexuality from the beginning (literally, our first date). I knew exactly what I was getting myself into, which was refreshing. Of course, his sexual desires were compatible with mine. If that hadn’t been the case, we probably wouldn’t be together.
It helps that J and I are generous with each other. Sex is the topic we discuss the most. I believe J is my first Dominant because we have such a healthy connection and are compatible in ways that are critical to our wellbeing. Having a D/s relationship requires a deep level of trust. We found that in each other.
Wow! That was fun. Again, thank you to all who submitted questions.
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
Ps. Have a question you want anonymously featured in a post? Submit here!
So, tell me, what questions do you wish more people asked you about your relationship, sexuality, or pleasure?