Content warning: this article contains graphic detail of D/s scenes. Everything described received enthusiastic consent. Actions and behaviours described are a part of a BDSM play and do not reflect the reality of my relationship.
James and I recently moved from Tignes to Dijon, and then hustled our butts to Paris! We’re staying here for ten days and celebrating my birthday. I can feel there are many exciting things to come. Now that we have descended from the mountains, the party is really getting started. And in what better way than some self-exploration, and finding out what kind of submissive I really am?
There’s No P in BDSM
If you’re an avid reader of mine, you know I’m a submissive who leans more towards humiliation than pain. Pain is something I can genuinely enjoy; however, it requires arousal. I admit that I sometimes envy submissives who can reach the edge as their asses turn blue. Unfortunately, I have rarely gotten there without hissing our safe word at James.
Pushing down this pride and envy, I finally told James that I’m not into physical punishment as much as I’d like to be. Distraught over this new self-discovery, I felt I lost a piece of my submissive identity. Rather than wallowing in any kind of grief, James saw opportunity…
Getting clear on this one detail about my sexuality, James and I realized there’s still so much to explore! I’ve spent moments on all-fours, crawling around, obeying J’s commands, all the while collared and leashed. I’ve been bound and gagged, verbally degraded, denied orgasm, even caged…
It’s been thrilling and endless.
If I can say one thing about my Dom, it’s that he’s ambitious. Rather than collapsing into disappointment, he took my admission as a challenge. If humiliation is what I love, then humiliation is what I would get…
Recently, I came home from work. J approached me, his energy demanding. He took my face in his hands and slammed the door. He pushed my body against the wall, and asked, “Are you ready, little slut?” The words ignited, my spine a fuse, feeling the flame burn down, down, down, hitting the base and erupting. My legs tingled. He thrust his tongue into my mouth, the vibration of our moans warmed our cores.
“Your clothes are in the bathroom. Change and then meet me at the dinner table.”
In the bathroom I found a black mini-skirt, rose-patterned nylons, and a tank top. No bra. No panties. Just the outfit and my beloved red collar with its matching leash. When I emerged, I felt shy. My heart was still pounding from the unexpected confrontation.
He was dressed in black from head to toe, seated at the table, back to me. When I sat, he took hold of the leash and pulled it towards him, drawing me in. He kissed me gently. The contrast was startling.
“Eat.” It was blunt. No room for questions. Before me was a beautiful Japanese platter. He bought my favourite food: sushi. I happily obliged.
I ate. We sipped wine. And before I knew it, I was on my knees again. I worshipped my Dom at his feet. I put my mouth where he commanded, and repeated words he snarled at me.
We revisited staples from our humiliation toolkit. He added a layer of control and fake violence. It was a magical night. I felt entirely in my element, comfortable in the humiliation, the absence of pain.
Sometimes the shame we feel about one piece of our sexuality is enough to compromise the rest. The moment I recognized and communicated my needs, the closer J and I became physically and mentally. Being authentic about my desires, permitted me to let go entirely. As a tribute to my own sexuality, and to that of my fellow kinksters, here are a few simple tips to help you discover what kind of submissive you or your partner(s) are:
- When you think of sex in a general sense, what specific actions and behaviours do you fantasize about most?
- Do you enjoy a verbal element to sexual encounters? If so, do you prefer more dirty talk, degrading words, sensual, romantic…?
- When you think of sex, are you more the giver or receiver?
- When you have sex, do you feel more sexy, cute, sweet, bratty, playful, or passive (perhaps a combination, or maybe it depends on your mood)?
- Are your fantasies more romantic in nature, playful, hardcore…?
- Do you ever think of role play? If so, what character do you see yourself as? What character do you imagine a partner(s) playing?
- Do you prefer taking charge or being told what to do?
- How do the following statements make you feel:
- I love doing things for other people
- I love being worshipped
- I love feeling owned
- I love being called names
- I love being touched softly
- I love being spanked
- I love being tied up
- I love to be disciplined
Find what feels right for you and enjoy the journey!
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
So, tell me, what kind of sub are you?