Ever wonder what happens behind the closed doors of adult spaces…?
In 2015, I went to my first sex club. James and I had been together less than a year, and he’d frequented this particular place with his previous partner. I admit, I was incredibly nervous. I had always been self-conscious about my body, hence earlier struggles with an eating disorder.
I knew that walking into that place confidently required an understanding of what I was getting myself into. Fortunately, my first sex club was the Oasis Aqua Lounge in Toronto, Ontario. Not only is this the cleanest sex club I’ve visited, but the rules and regulations are clear and adhered to. This gave me comfort. As a tribute to Oasis, a throwback to my first time, and a celebration to yours (whether it’s happened yet or not), here are 8 things you should know before going to a sex club!
Like any business, price varies depending on the city it’s in, what’s included in the price, the amenities, and the type of night you’re paying for. For example, most clubs have separate entry fees for couples and single people. Single women tend to enter free, while single men pay a hefty price. Also, it isn’t uncommon that single men are only permitted to enter on designated nights.
The door fee may include free beverages, condoms and lubes, use of equipment, access to pool, hot tub, showers, sauna and steam rooms, and dinner. I’ve even seen a candy buffet! As far as my knowledge is concerned, sex clubs in the United States are BYOB, as booze can’t be sold on premises where nudity thrives and sex is being had.
Additionally, some clubs require memberships. What this means is, on top of the entry fee, you pay a monthly or annual fee to remain on their list. This can range from $50 to $1500. For example, the VIP membership of the Trapeze in Atlanta GA has an annual fee of approximately $1200 per year, plus a $200 door fee.
2. Dress Code
What you wear will depend on the club and the theme of the evening. Some clubs require you to take off your clothes, while others give you the freedom of expression. For example, in Moon City, Paris, nudity is required; however, they provide clean towels to all guests. Les Chandelles in Paris, France, on the other hand, almost didn’t let a sharply dressed Italian man in because he was wearing the wrong style of shoe.
Bottom line, your relationship with your own body and nudity will determine what clubs are right for you. Just be sure you read the dress code as they aren’t all flexible on this.
This is where I’ll spill more of my love for the Oasis Aqua Lounge (OA). Of course, in any club, consent is key. Should anyone disrespect your space, you may report them, from which they should be removed or even black listed, depending on the club’s policy and the severity of the behaviour.
The primary difference between OA and other clubs I’ve visited has to do with verbal consent. What I mean by this is, unless you ask if to watch, touch, or join, don’t even think about it. Although this seems like an obvious step in participating with others, in many European clubs, people ask by grazing an arm or a leg. Although this may sound intimidating, I have never had to say “no” twice.
4. Cleanliness, Hygiene, Protection
I will not go near a sex club that doesn’t take sanitation, hygiene, or protection of their clientele seriously. Having gone to a club like the Oasis Aqua Lounge, where there are condoms, lube, paper towels, and spray in almost every corner of the house, along with at least one employee cleaning the place constantly, I have super high standards when it comes to laying my naked ass on anything.
Unfortunately, I have also been to clubs where it was so dirty — used condoms left behind, mattresses covered in liquid from God-knows-where — I demanded my money back.
This may be a difficult detail to confirm, as every club claims they are sanitary. My best advice is to read the reviews or ask for a tour of the club prior to committing. If the club is serious and cares about its clientele, they will be enthusiastic about walking you through.
5. Events and Themes
As a couple looking to play with each other and other women, James and I are very particular about which events we go to. As mentioned, most clubs have designated nights for couples.
On couples’ nights, single women are permitted to enter. That’s the atmosphere we enjoy most. However, if you enjoy the attention or company of single men, be sure to check the club’s event calendar for those dates.
Interested in one woman’s experience on single-men’s night? Read my latest interview with Fatima from the Oasis Aqua Lounge!
In addition to paying attention to designated couples’ versus singles’ evenings, make sure that the theme of the evening reflects your sexual interests. For example, their are designated soirées for the LGBTQ+ community, unicorns seeking couples, kink-focused events, etc.
6. Play Time
Every club is different. Different layout, different styles, different demographic, different…everything. For example, the Fantasy Club in Prague had a much tamer, more upscale vibe and aesthetic than Paris’ Moon City.
Most clubs have areas where the magic happens. These areas might be called cuddle corners or les salons. They can be anything from a couch to large leather beds to fully equipped dungeons. Most areas are communal; however, some clubs will have private rooms for people who want to get freaky alone. This of course is something you’ll need to research should that be your cup of tea.
To give an example, the only prohibited area for sexual activity in the Oasis Aqua Lounge is the jacuzzi. Moon City was the same. Other clubs prohibit sexual activities anywhere outside of specified sex rooms. Sometimes these spaces can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re not into group sex or swinging. If you’re hesitant, again, my recommendation is to take a tour beforehand.
There is no saying who you’ll find at a sex club. I’ve seen people as young as 19, and as old as 75. I’ve never been to an event that has an age cap. Of course, the age limit is dependent on the law in your state/province/country. The demographics depend on the appeal of the club itself, and the area it’s in. Of course, if they advertise more to students (because, say, it’s near a university), you’ll have a younger crowd. Usually more upscale clubs, with higher entry-fees will attract a mature demographic.
8. The (non-mandatory) Sex
Despite its name, there is no pressure to have sex in the sex club. But, yes, be ready to see it happening around you.
It’s important to know the difference between on-site and off-site swingers clubs. On-site swingers clubs mean you can engage in sexual activity in the club itself. Off-site clubs mean sexual activity is prohibited on-site, and the club is more a social ground to meet others with similar sexual interests.
Another critical note is the type of sex that happens within the walls of these places. For example, while we were living in the US, we came across an extreme BDSM club. Even thought James and I often practice domination and submission, the club was too intense for our liking. For example, they permitted blood-play on the premise, as well as other superficial wounding practices.
Most clubs call themselves “swingers” clubs; however, the practice of swinging is not required to enter or have a nice time. Similarly, clubs may include BDSM or other equipment; however, it’s use is optional.
Lastly, it’s important to understand that people may approach you if they’re interested. That’s where you need to be comfortable in exercising your no. They have the right to ask, as much as you have the right to decline.
So yes, in short, people have sex in sex clubs. Doesn’t mean you have to, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
So, tell me, what are your thoughts on and experiences with adult spaces? Interested in an adult events but need more guidance? Chat with Quean Mo here.