Tomorrow we celebrate International Masturbation Day (May 28th), which is an annual international event that celebrates (and protects) the right to masturbate!
In honour of this magical month, I asked two of my cis-gendered female Club Royal members to participate in one-on-one interviews to discuss their self-love practices. Before I share their juicy details, here is a brief history of International Masturbation Day, and some fun-masturbation-facts!
When Getting Fired Backfires
The first National Masturbation Day was May 14, 1995. It was coined such by sex-positive retailer, Good Vibrations after Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders was fired by President Bill Clinton. The reason for her dismissal? She suggested masturbation be part of students’ sex-ed curriculum! In honour of her, Masturbation Day was appointed, and has since been expanded to include the entire month of May.
The Perks of Pleasure
Masturbation has had a bad rap for, well, ever, and therefore can be a source of struggle and guilt. I am here to remind you that masturbation is not only encouraged by sexual health professionals but has been proven to play a significant role in healthy sexual development and reducing stress.
People engage in intimate, self-love practices for many reasons. Pleasure, fun and enjoyment, experimentation, and to just to relieve tension. Masturbation is oftentimes “prescribed” to people by sexologists to assist in rectifying issues such as early ejaculation or inorgasmia!
Masturbation cannot cause “blindness, hairy palms, impotence, penis shrinkage or curvature, low sperm count, infertility, mental illness or physical weakness,” as some fraudulent sources say. Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders was right, we are in need of an education!
Masturbation is also not a sign of dissatisfaction within relationships. In fact, most myths surrounding masturbation were designed to deter people from doing it! Masturbation used to be recognized as a form of self-abuse not self-pleasure, and yet it’s an integral part of sexual self-awareness and understanding. It allows us to explore and understand our bodies, and their desires. It increases sexual confidence! In fact, there are a whole host of health benefits brought upon by masturbation, such as:
– Enhancements in quality of sleep
– Boosted concentration
– Elevation in mood
– Reduced menstrual cramping and alleviation of other pain
– Improvements in sex and libido
Masturbation also promotes intimacy; allows one to explore their own pleasure, desires and needs; reduces the risk of unwanted pregnancy, for it plays as a sexual outlet for those refraining or abstaining from sex. According to sexual health care professionals, benefits of masturbation, specifically for older women, may include less vaginal dryness, and decreased pain during intercourse.
There are numerous perks of self-pleasure, and there are so many ways to engage in it, too! Let’s dive in and see how these two Club Royal members find the perks in pleasure.
Mother and Masturbator
Ri, a mother of two, shares how her masturbation and sex practices have changed since motherhood. Her “Before” answers indicate her masturbation/sex practices prior to having children, whereby her “After” responses reflect her current masturbation/sex practices (during parenthood).
1) Relationship status and sexual orientation:
Married, Heterosexual.
2) Please specify if you partake in any specific sexual lifestyle:
Nothing that I can think of.
3) How often do you masturbate (solo)?
Before: Weekly.
After: Once or twice a month if I find a moment alone.
4) How often do you engage in mutual masturbation, if at all?
Before: 1-2 times a week.
After: Maybe 1-2 times a month.
5) What is your preferred method of masturbation?
Before: Using my hands.
After: Using my hands. I never really had a chance to experiment with toys. I do find them interesting and am willing to try them. Just never got around to it.
6) Do you have a favourite time or place for masturbation?
Before and after: Yes, alone, quiet, dark room – preferably, my bedroom.
7) Do you take any specific measures before masturbating?
Before: I dimmed the lights, would watch porn for added visual stimulation.
After: I still dim the lights [laughter] and use porn to put me in the mood.
8) What other senses, besides touch, do you like to stimulate during and how?
Before and after: As mentioned, I’ve always enjoyed watching and listening to porn.
9) What kind of porn do you enjoy most?
When I watch porn, it’s usually very sensual. Nothing hardcore [laughter].
10) Do you have a default position in which you masturbate, or do you switch it up?
I’ve always, and still do, masturbate lying on my back in my bed.
11) How long does your self-love practice normally take, and within this time, how many orgasms (if any) do you have? If you experience multiple orgasms, do they tend to get stronger or decrease in intensity?
Before parenthood, I would have multiple orgasms, and they would decrease in intensity after the first one. Typical time from start to finish was 10 minutes.
After becoming a mother, it takes me between 5-10 minutes to reach orgasm. Usually, I have stuff to do afterwards, so I have the one and then I’m done. But the odd time it’s a few and they definitely aren’t as strong as the first one. Don’t feel like I’m into it as much after the first – different priorities [laughter]. Typical time from start to finish is between 10 and 15 minutes.
12) Do you have any tips for moms out there regarding how to make time for yourself, as well as connecting with your partner?
This is something I have trouble with myself. It’s very hard to find a few minutes for yourself when you have kids. Parents need to put themselves and their needs ahead of everything else every now and then, too. Especially, to maintain a relationship. You have to be able to take the time to really connect with your partner. Each partner also needs to be fair to the other, it’s not a one-way street where one gets all the satisfaction, and the other doesn’t. That only causes resentment, and will demotivate the dissatisfied partner, and decrease their desire.
13) How important has masturbation been for you, and since becoming a parent, has this changed for you?
Honestly, before motherhood, masturbation wasn’t very important for me, but it was enjoyable when it happened. It was something I could do for myself that no one else could do; no one else could get me to that level.
Since I’ve become a mom, it’s really not important to me at all. Or maybe more accurately put, it’s not a priority. I almost never think about it. If and when I do, it’s because I have this sudden rush of desire, or need a quick de-stressor. That only seems to happen once a month.
14) What is one thing about masturbation or sexuality you’d like to know?
Masturbation is such a hidden topic. It is also a very stereotypical topic. When a lot of people hear the word masturbation they think of men. Why is that? Is it a horrible thought to think that women like to please themselves as well?
Master of Two
CK is an ambitious, professional woman with a Masters in the science of nutrition. CK shares details about how she takes care of her high libido through self-love practice.
1) Relationship status and sexual orientation:
Heterosexual, and in a long-term relationship.
2) How often do you masturbate (solo)?
When [my partner and I] are long distance, probably 3-4 times a week.
3) How often do you engage in mutual masturbation, if at all?
This is something we have done more so within the last year. It definitely turns me on, but I could tell it wasn’t as easy for him for some reason.
4) What is your preferred method of masturbation?
I got my first vibrator about 8 years ago and it was great. I would sometimes use my hands until… Last year we were in Amsterdam, and, of course, went to a sex shop. I got a great vibrator there and it has saved my life [laughter]!
5) I’m a vibrator virgin, so I’m all ears for recommendations. Is it a specific brand?
It was written in Dutch [laughter], so I don’t know the brand… The new vibrator has been fun because [my partner and I] use it together sometimes.
6) Do you have a favourite time or place for masturbation?
I typically practice it at night before bed, usually lights off. The odd time I feel extremely horny in the afternoon and try to do my thing if I have a private space to.
7) What other senses, besides touch, do you like to stimulate during?
I don’t typically engage my other senses in any obvious way, like through music.
8) Do you have a default position in which you masturbate, or do you switch it up?
I am typically positioned lying down in bed. [Laughter] Original, right?
9) How long does your self-love practice normally take, and within this time, how many orgasms (if any) do you have? If you experience multiple orgasms, do they tend to get stronger or decrease in intensity?
Typically, I can’t just stop at one sooo…I would say I never take more than 20 minutes, but I have at least 3 before I feel like I’m satisfied and can sleep. And I would say yes that they typically do get stronger.
10) Porn question: do you watch any while masturbating?
I don’t watch porn actually, but I do visualize things in my head while doing it. I feel like porn may distract me, and I kind of like to play out my own fantasy.
11) Do you remember the age in which you first started masturbating? And were there always positive feelings surrounding it, or did you have any negative feelings at times?
Great question. I feel like it was late in high school, and more so second year of college. I remember somewhat rebellious, but exciting feelings about it. I also haven’t mentioned this, but in the last few months I have been having such intense sex dreams that I have orgasmed in my sleep 3 times. Like literally woke myself up. It has never happened before [laughter], and recently I will wake up in the middle of the night to [masturbate] because I wake up super horny at like 3AM. Maybe it’s because I’m almost 30 or something [laughter], I don’t know.
Quean’s Routine
You didn’t think I’d share an entire article about masturbation without including a bit about my own practices, did you?
1) How often do I masturbate?
Depends on the time of the month. I used to masturbate anywhere from 2 to 5 times a week. Since living with James, I’d say a few times a month, or any time I’m alone. Sometimes I do it when I can’t fall asleep – really helps the occasional insomnia.
2) How often do you engage in mutual masturbation, if at all?
Whenever I am horny or menstruating. Sometimes if we’re not in the mood for penetration, James and I enjoy watching each other.
4) What is your preferred method of masturbation?
It’s so interesting because I always thought I was a weirdo when it came to how I masturbated. In movies and porn, women are always lying face up, knees bent, slight curve in their back. I’ve always been a friction masturbator – or grinder – meaning I lie on my stomach and get pretty tense. I’ve since learned to masturbate in many positions and like to alternate. I use my hands.
6) Do you have a favourite time or place for masturbation?
I have done it in my bed, the bathtub, bathroom floor, couch… If I’m in the mood, so long as I can find a private, comfortable space, I don’t care.
7) What other senses, besides touch, do you like to stimulate during and how?
Sight. I watch ethical porn whenever possible during masturbation.
9) How long does your self-love practice normally take, and within this time, how many orgasms (if any) do you have? If you experience multiple orgasms, do they tend to get stronger or decrease in intensity?
This varies depending on how much time I have or my level of horniness. I can have multiple orgasms, but usually prefer not to as they decrease in intensity. If I need a quick climax, I can be done in 30 seconds flat. Otherwise, I take my time, which varies in duration.
12) Do you remember the age in which you first started masturbating? And were there always positive feelings surrounding it, or did you have any negative feelings at times?
My mother took me to the doctor when I was under the age of five because I was grinding against everything, all the time! She never shamed me for it, just wanted to be sure my behaviour wasn’t excessive. The doctor ensured it wasn’t. Luckily, I have never felt uncomfortable about it.
There is No Wrong Way to Play
As you can see masturbation practices vary, and all variations are normal, so long as they don’t cause distress or interference in one’s ability to carry on in daily life! I want to thank Ri and CK for being so open with me! As I said, masturbation is not something to be shamed, rather, celebrated and encouraged.
So, dear friend, if you haven’t already, dedicate May 28th to the self, but also shower yourself in pleasure all year round!
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
So, tell me, what are your thoughts about masturbation? Do you have a self-pleasure ritual?
Call of the Quean 
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