In honour of this magical month, I had two of my female Collar Club Members participate in a one-on-one interview (with yours truly) to discuss their self-love practices. Before I share their juicy details, here is a brief history of International Masturbation Day, and some fun-masturbation-facts!
According to Wikipedia (since it’s such a reliable source), Masturbation is also known as “Wankers Day” in Australia and Britain. The first National Masturbation Day was May 14, 1995 after “sex-positive retailer, Good Vibration, declared the day in honour of Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, who was fired in 1994 by President Bill Clinton for suggesting masturbation be part of the sex education curriculum for students.” Masturbation Day has since been expanded to include the entire month of May.
Masturbation has had a bad rap for, well, ever, and therefore can be a source of struggle and guilt. Well, I am here to tell you, friends, that masturbation is not only encouraged by sexual health professionals, but has been proven to play a significant role in healthy sexual development.
People engage in self-lovin’ practices for many reasons! Pleasure, fun and enjoyment, experimentation, and also to just to relieve some tension. Masturbation is “prescribed” to people by some sexologists to assist in the “rectification of issues such as early ejaculation” or the inability to orgasm.
Masturbation can not cause “blindness, hairy palms, impotence, penis shrinkage or curvature, low sperm count, infertility, mental illness or physical weakness.” Masturbation is also not a sign of “dissatisfaction within relationships.” In fact, most myths surrounding masturbation were designed to deter one from doing it! Masturbation used to be recognized as a form of self-abuse not self-pleasure.
Masturbation is a integral part of sexual self-awareness and understanding, especially in our early years. It allows us to explore and understand our bodies, and their desires. It increases sexual confidence! In fact, there are a whole host of health benefits brought upon by masturbation, such as:
– Reduced stress
– Release of tension
– Enhancements in quality of sleep
– Boosted concentration
– Elevation in mood
– Reduced menstrual cramping
– Alleviation of pain
– Improvements in sex and sex drives
Masturbation also promotes intimacy; allows one to explore their own pleasure, desires and needs; reduces the risk of unwanted pregnancy, for it plays as a sexual outlet for those refraining or abstaining from sex. “Benefits of masturbation, specifically for older women, include less vaginal dryness, and decreased pain during intercourse.”
There are so many positive elements surrounding self-love, and there are so many ways to engage in it, too. Let’s dive in and see how these beautiful Collar Club Members gift themselves with self-pleasure:
Ri: Mother of two speaks about how her masturbation and sex practices have changed since parenthood. Her “Before” answers indicate her masturbation/sexpractices prior to having children, whereby her “After” responses reflect her current masturbation/sex practices (during parenthood).
1) Relationship status & sexual orientation: Married, Heterosexual.
2) Please specify if you partake in any specific sexual lifestyle (ex. BDSM): Nothing that I can think of.
3) How often did/do you masturbate (solo)? Before: weekly; After: once or twice a month if I find a moment alone.
4) How often did/do you engage in mutual masturbation, if at all?Before: 1-2 times a week; After: maybe 1-2 times a month.
5) What is/was your preferred method of masturbation/sexual activity? Before: hands; After: hands. I never really had a chance to experiment with toys. I do find them interesting and am willing to try them. Just never got around to it.
6) Did/do you have a favourite time or place for masturbation?Before and after: alone, quiet dark room (my bedroom).
7) Did/do you take any specific measures before masturbating? Before: dimming the lights, porn; After: dimming the lights, and porn to put me in the “mood.”
8) What other senses, besides touch, did/do you like to stimulate during and how? Before and after: Visual (watching porn), and hearing.
9) If you do watch porn, please specify what kinds you like: If I do watch porn it’s usually just sensual; I don’t listen to music.
10) Did/do you have a default position in which you masturbate or did/do you switch it up? Please specify which positions you enjoy most: Before and after: on my back in bed.
11) How long did/does your self-love practice normally take, and within this time, how many orgasms (if any) do you have? If/when you have multiple orgasms, do they tend to get stronger or increase in intensity? Before: I would have multiple orgasms,and they would decrease in intensity after the first one. Typical time from start to finish was 10 minutes; After: 5-10 min to have an orgasm. Usually I have stuff to do afterwards, so I have the one and then I’m done. But, the odd time it’s a few and they definitely aren’t as strong as the first one. Don’t feel like I’m into it as much after the first. Typical time from start to finish 10-15 min
12) Do you have any tips for moms out there regarding how to make time for yourself/your partner (sexually)? This is something I have trouble with myself. It’s very hard to find a few minutes for yourself when you have kids. Some times parents need to put themselves and their needs ahead of everything else every now and then, too. Especially to maintain a relationship. You have to be able to take the time to really connect with your partner. Each partner also needs to be fair to the other, it’s not a one way street where one gets all the satisfaction and the other doesn’t.
13) How important is masturbation for you, and since you’ve become a mom, has it become more or less important? Or has it stayed the same? Before: It wasn’t very important but it was enjoyable. Something I could do for myself that no one else could do, or get me to that level; After: It is not important to me at all. I almost never think about it. If and when I do it’s because I’ve got this sudden rush. That only happens maybe once a month.
14) What is one thing about masturbation or sex(uality) you’d like to know? Unfortunately nothing pops into my head. I feel like it’s because masturbation is such a hidden topic. It is also a very stereotypical topic. When a lot of people hear the word masturbation they think of men. Why is that? Is it a horrible thought to think that woman like to pleasure themselves as well?
CK: An ambitious, professional women devoted to the science of nutrition, CK shares about her high libido-ed practices.
1) Relationship status & sexual orientation: Heterosexual, and in a long term relationship.
2) How often do you masturbate (solo)? When we are long distance,probably 3-4 times a week.
3) How often do you engage in mutual masturbation, if at all? This is something we have done more so within the last year. It definitely turns me on, but I could tell it wasn’t as easy for him for some reason.
4) What is your preferred method of masturbation/sexual activity? I got my first vibrator about 8 years ago and it was great. I would sometimes use my hands…until! Last year we were in Amsterdam, and, of course went to a sex shop. I got a great vibrator there and it has saved my life [laughter].
5) I’m a vibrator virgin, so I’m all ears for recommendations. Is it a specific brand? It was written in dutch [laughter], so I don’t know the brand… The new vibrator has been fun because we use it together sometimes.
6) Do you have a favourite time or place for masturbation? I typically practice it at night before bed, usually lights off. The odd time I feel extremely horny in the afternoon and try to do my thing if I have a private space to.
7) What other senses, besides touch, do you like to stimulate during and how?
I don’t typically engage my other senses in any obvious way, like through music.
8) Do you have a default position in which you masturbate or do you switch it up? Please specify which positions you enjoy most: I am typically positioned lying down in bed. [Laughter]Original, right?
9) How long does your self-love practice normally take, and within this time, how many orgasms (if any) do you have? If/when you have multiple orgasms, do they tend to get stronger or increase in intensity? Typically I can’t just stop at one sooo…Iwould say I never take more than 20 minutes, but I have at least 3 before I feel like I’m satisfied and can sleep.
10) Do your orgasms increase in intensity? And I would say yes,that they typically do get stronger.
11) Porn question: do you watch porn while masturbating or with a partner? If so, what kind of porn? I don’t watch porn actually,but I do visualize things in my head while doing it. I feel like porn may distract me, and I kind of like to play out my own fantasy.
12) Do you remember when you first started masturbating? Like what age? And were there always positive feelings surrounding it, or did you have any negative feelings at times? Great question. I feel like it was late in high school, and more so second year college. I remember some what rebellious, but exciting feelings about it. I also haven’t mentioned this! But in the last few months I have been having such intense sex dreams that I have orgasmed in my sleep 3 times. Like literally woke myself up. It has never happened before [laughter], and recently I will wake up in the middle of the night to [masturbate] because I wake up super horny at like 3 am. Maybe it’s because I’m almost 30 or something lol I don’t know.
As you can see with Ri and CK, masturbation practices vary, and all variations are normal, so long as they don’t cause distress or interference in one’s ability to carry on in daily life (examples: “missing work, school or important social events; interrupts your daily functioning; Affects responsibilities or relationships; serves as an escape from relationship issues or substitutes for real-life experiences”). If you feel you fall into the “interference” category, it is advised to speak to a medical professional.
I want to thank Ri and CK for being so open with me! As I said, masturbation is not something to be shamed, rather, celebrated and encouraged.
To you, reader, if you haven’t already, dedicate tomorrow, May 28th – Masturbation Day – to yourself! And I hope you continue to shower yourself in pleasure all year round!
Fuck (yourselves) well, friends!
And tell me, what does your self-love look like?