That is until last January, after our first foursome – you know, after my questioned sexuality exploded into reality. Yes, I started online dating AFTER I got engaged. Ironic. I know.
How did we agree on this new method of finding our fantasy woman?
First things first: because Master J and I travel often (every two weeks, max!), holding down any kind of connection with a potential partner is a struggle. Call us old school, but we are the type of couple who want to actually date a person prior to bedding them, regardless how “game” the partner is to jump in the sac with us (sometimes, freakishly so).
As my readers already know – and if you’re part of the BDSM community – creating a kinky sexual scenario kind of requires a certain amount of knowledge of the other person(s) involved. Things such as type of kink they like, roles, toys/equipment vs no toys/equipment, fantasies, humiliation or pain (if any), limits and boundaries…and then there’s trust building. You can see the difficulty, right? If we’re staying in a place for, let’s say, one to two weeks max, how do you expect us to check all of these things off the list AND execute sexy time in such a short period?
Not. Fricken. Possible.
This is where online dating came in. It can, at times, cut down the time to get to know a person. PLUS, if we know the next city (or three) we’ll be in, we can look for someone before hand, get acquainted virtually, and then upon arrival, get the party started (and by that I mean see if there’s a connection, and if so, start building trust between us and the potential partner).
Master J and I decided (okay…I decided) that I would be in charge, meaning I would create the accounts and be the one communicating. Why? I’ll be honest: it decreases the risk of jealousy. Also, that way the potential partner understands I will always be a part of the process/relationship – in other words, she’ll never have Master J to himself (subject to change on the Quean’s request).
As much as Master J and I prepared ourselves, we really had no idea what to expect. So here I’ll speak about the three apps we’ve used, our experience with them, and (straight up) my opinion…
3Somer – The #1 Threesome Dating App for Couples and Singles
I get what the tag line says, however, this may be one
of the most confusing apps I’ve ever downloaded. Now, for the record, Master J and I do not pay for our subscription, so in all fairness, perhaps that is the cause of our inability to figure this shit out…
But…like, there are about a thousand pages, and for an app that at first glance seems as straight forward as Tinder (instead of left/right swipe, you
You can’t message a person without paying. You can visit their page and “heart” them, which allows you to choose a generic message created by 3Somer to get the ball rolling (example: I would like to get to know you, message me.); however, if that person is a non-paying subscriber too, you now just have two frustrated parties, interested and unable to contact each other without committing to a 6, 3 or 1 month plan.
Maybe we’re just lazy, but there’s no way I’m going to pay an app who doesn’t at least:
1. Give a trial period to at least see if the commitment is worth making, OR
2. Have free communication with potential partner(s) in some form other than sending hearts, OR
3. Offer access to the profiles of people that liked us, just to have a better understanding of the apps reach
The closest Master J and I have gotten to meeting anyone on this app has been receiving a bunch of messages from men (who clearly didn’t read my profile), saying, “you could make my dreams come true!” (Insert image of my expressionless face here).
Conclusion: don’t waste your time.
Feeld – Dating for Humans
What was once called 3rinder (basically threesome-Tinder, made by Tinder), is an app to meet singles and couples. To register, you need to use your Facebook account, which is always terrifying! It is similar to Tinder, although rather than swiping, you hit either the “+” or “-“ sign for each potential partner.
When you match with someone, you can message them! Woo! However, like Tinder, you cannot see people who liked you unless you buy into a monthly subscription. This isn’t uncommon. And unlike 3Somer, you can subscribe to a free trial period that gives you all the perks before committing!
My experience with Feeld includes matching with several peoplewithout hearing a word, except for one woman, who very quickly wanted to see me naked via videos/pics, yet refused to go live via whatsapp to prove she was real. If she was a real woman, she was the most aggressive one I’ve ever encountered. As a result, I brought the conversation to a stop almost immediately after it began. Unfortunately I’ve had no connections since – again, the disadvantage of constantly moving.
My opinion of Feeld is kind of irrelevant. I believe once Master J and I have a more permanent setting, it will come in handy. I will say this though: Feeld taught me quite quickly that I have no interest in sexting with people (or sending images/videos of myself or Master J).
My favourite app thus far, which is funny considering it’s geared towards singles.
We’ve received many more hits, and have had longer and more pleasurable conversations via Tinder than any other app.
Through Tinder we came close to meeting with several women. Key words “came close,” as they all changed their minds at the last minute. Was it fear, change of heart…? We’ll never know. But it’s boosted our confidence in finding someone, and has led us down many interesting roads.
– invitation to a snap chat nude group
– invitation to a live masturbation stream
– a woman setting and cancelling our dates twice – on the day of – who has recently messaged us again, asking to get together
– invitation to a hot tube party with a couple seeking similar things as us
In other words: there are no dull moments on Tinder.
The Cons: online dating can be frustrating. Perhaps it’s because we’re a couple looking for a single woman, perhaps it’s because we’re into BDSM, perhaps it’s because we’re never in one place longer than two weeks. Maybe it’s all of those things combined. Regardless, we aren’t giving up! The truth is, even if we don’t have sex with someone we meet via an app, we are such people-people that just connecting with an interesting human over drinks is enough for us to feel the apps are successful. So far, that hasn’t been our experience. We’ve either freaked people out (one girl was VERY much into me until she read our profile: cuckquean seeking woman for dom); have been stood up (numerous times we thought we found the perfect woman, only to be ghosted);couldn’t figure out if the person was real; or have been so aggressively sought after, that we backed off.
The Pros: despite all of the negative aspects of online dating, it is something that has opened the world up to us. With a little bit of effort you can find whatever you’re looking for sexually (no matter how kinky you are, there’s an app for it!), which would have been nearly impossible in the pre-dating app days. You can also connect to people on the other side of the world if you’re interested enough, which links you to diverse cultural perspectives. Online dating can take you out of your comfort zone – it has for us, and we don’t plan on returning any time soon.
For a more in-depth look at these apps and more, I definitely recommend this article: Best Hook Up & Casual Dating Apps Reviews
So, tell me Collar Club Members, have you ever dated online? What was your experience like and what app/site did you use?
Until next time,