RAF – Minx: A Memoir, Pt. I/III

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This Month’s RAF Series features an old friend of mine. We have 23 years of herstory together, having met in kindergarten at the age of 4.
 
CONTENT NOTE: This series covers topics of domestic abuse, sexual assault and relationships between a minor and an adult.

Through her confessions and telling, I believe women of all ages can pull strength from her truth. Together we revisit difficult memories, such as her first (and controversial) long term relationship she had at the age of 14; abuse; growing up too young, and the tensions that exist between her and her mother.

Her honesty, tragedies and relentless self-love will rip your heart out only to stitch it back together with unbreakable ties and ribbons. It is with great honour that I introduce this beautiful storm named Minx.

  Disclaimer: Please be aware that this interview covers explicit topics, such as abuse and abortion. Should you wish to skip to the very end of this post, I have listed resources.

What is the earliest sexual experience you remember?

Seeing or physical?

Whatever seemed like the first sexual encounter to you?

From what I can remember, seeing my brother’s father go down on my mom, [gagging noises]! I think I have blocked out something, because I remember being really, really young and touching myself discovering what my body does.

But the two are completely separate, hence your barfing sounds [laughter]?

Yea!

I had completely forgotten about you seeing that though! You told me about it when we were kids. How old were you, I forget?

I’d say, probably like 6.

Did you ever tell your mom? Or did she know you saw?

No I never told her, and if she knows she never let on.

What was your first sexual experience with another person?

[Laughter] A guy named Adam, grade 6, at a friend’s house. My first French kiss [winks at me]!

Omg, Adam! Haha that’s awesome. All the girls wanted that guy when we were young, and you snagged him! [Laughter] So then, when did you lose your virginity?

Well, that you already know [laughter]. I was 14 and it was in the basement with Pineapple.

Note: Pineapple is the code name we gave this man when we were young, that way our parents didn’t know who we were speaking about.

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Laughter] Pineapple…like could we not have thought of a better code name? I guess it did the trick though.

Yea, I had him as Pineapple in my phone [laughter].

Makes sense. So, tell the readers a bit about Pineapple, and how this relationship transpired?

This is going to be a long one…

It started as a very innocent one, at least I think it did. I never had a great father figure and I clearly still don’t. He was great, he was always there. If you needed something, he’d do it generally, no questions asked. He always drove me to the preteen dances, and gave me extra money [laughter]. Then mom and him split, and I was devastated. I felt like the one person who was actually there for me – actually on my side for once – had left me stranded. But then he would pick me up every other weekend and take me off-roading, to the movies, you name it, we did it. I had the time of my life.

At some point, my mom hit a hard spot and needed somewhere to go. So, he turned his house into two apartments. He took the basement and we had the whole up stairs. My mom would work nights, but even when she wasn’t working she was out. So, I took care of my little brother,giving him his meds, putting him to bed and whatever.

Note: Her little brother is epileptic.

I felt lonely. So, I started spending my nights downstairs with Pineapple. I started falling asleep on his bed after movies. And he randomly started to touch me. At first I was shocked and confused, but still, somehow, excited. I had never felt that way about him, at least not that I thought. So, I would pretend I was sleeping and he would get me off.

Thinking about it now: What the actual fuck? [laughter]! But eventually it lead to sex. It wasn’t what everyone said it would be. Not for me. I didn’t have a big, bloody mess. It wasn’t excruciatingly painful. However, he was extremely girthy, so I did rip a little.

Thanks for sharing. I know the details are pretty intimate; it’s a lot to take in.

I think the “confusion” part is super natural, because you looked up to him more as a father figure for quite some time, right? But after this started happening, how did the relationship change, and at the time, how did you feel about this change?

At first, great! That was until I met a guy named Jace, and I was smitten by him. I was a stupid kid, not knowing what I wanted. Pineapple and I went on an off-roading trip, and Jace happened to come with us. We all had a lot of fun, but when it came time to go home, I really wanted to ride with Jace. Pineapple was devastated.

I think looking back, Pineapple was trying to hold on, knowing it was going to end. But he tried to hold on in all the wrong ways. He told me I could ride home with Jace if I gave him [Pineapple] blow jobs for a month… I agreed; however, didn’t hold up my end of the bargain.

I remember ending it [with Pineapple] for Jace. I remember Pineapplefalling to his knees crying. Jace didn’t last long. I think it’s because I was his first and for some reason I found that unattractive. I think what really ended it was when he showed up at my house with a plan B pill… Not that I wanted a baby, because I didn’t, I just felt, I don’t know how I felt.

Like he wasn’t giving you the choice?

Maybe. So, I slowly started avoiding him and sneaking off to see Pineapple again. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant. At first I wanted nothing to do with it; my mindset was “get this thing out of me!”

But…The longer I sat with this little, unknown thing growing, the more I wanted it. My mom found out and gave the ultimatum: move out or have an abortion. I was a scared teenager thinking she would actually kick me out. How would I be able to take care of this tiny human replica of me, if I couldn’t even care for myself. So, I very reluctantly agreed.

Let me tell you…anyone who has multiple abortions, I don’t know how they do it. I found it to be the most traumatic thing of my life… And I’ve seen and had some shit happen.

Note: Neither Minx nor I are anti-abortion; the way abortion is spoken about here is specific to Minx’s situation, and does not reflect every female experience. Here we discuss it in the context of coercion/manipulation – the “if you don’t do x, then y” scenarios many young women face.

From that point Pineapple and I had a year long relationship. And as horrible, inappropriate and very wrong it may have been, I wouldn’t take it back. That’s where I found love, and how I ultimately wanted to be treated; how a man could show a woman she could be loved without him raping her, beating her up, or mentally breaking her down.

To be continued…

Next week, we will dig deeper into Minx’s past relationship with Pineapple, and her reflection on having proceeded with the abortion. If you have a question or wish to speak directly to Minx, please use the contact form.

Resources:

  1. Assaulted Women’s Helpline (Ontario, Canada)
    1-866-863-0511 (Free)
    1-866-863-7868 (TTY)
  2. Ending Violence Association of Canada
  3. World Helplines (World Wide)
  4. International Helpline for Abortion Recover
    1-866-482-LIFE
  5. Just want to chat anonymously (and free)? Register at 7 Cups

Until next time,

Fuck-well, friends! And remember, you’re not alone!

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