When I first me today’s guest, we connected instantly. Not only is she a fellow writer, but a fierce quean! She is proof that non-conventional relationships can be the happiest ones, and starting a family doesn’t mean ending the fun. Enjoy this personal convo with the Dalma Rose.
It’s been so great getting to know you over the last several months. Meeting a fellow cuckquean has been super fascinating, especially because our desires are quite different. I think this is a great topic to cover because it shows people that there is variation in fantasies, regardless of common labels. Before we get into the specifics of your cuckquean identity, can you tell me what age you discovered this part of yourself and how you felt about it at that time?
That’s a great question. I ‘knew’ that the idea of my partner having sex (or sexual encounters) with another woman turned me on around age 21. My boyfriend had cheated on me with another woman which I had discovered by checking his phone — I intuitively knew something was amiss. I was of course devastated, but after we got back together, and whilst we were having sex one night, I asked him to call me her name and found that it really turned me on. After that, I would get drunk and ask him to chat up an ex or we’d have sex when he phoned a sex line (this was back in the late 90s).
That fantasy continued into my first marriage. I wanted my husband to chat up other women and one time I masturbated whilst he looked at women on a dating site. We had had a short separation in which time he’d had sex with someone, and it really turned me on again. We didn’t have any conversations about him having sex with someone else on purpose and he wasn’t really into it. I didn’t disclose to him the depth of what turned me on because I don’t suppose I truly understood it.
It was my second marriage where I felt enough trust and honesty and love that I shared my fantasy with my husband. This time I was very clear that I got off on the idea of him with other women. He was extremely hesitant, and it took a lot of talking (and fucking) about it before we decided he’d really do it. I was scared about taking the fantasy into reality and I won’t say it’s been a smooth ride (excuse the pun) but we have explored and continue to explore this kink.
I didn’t know that my particular fantasy had a name (cuckquean) until about a year ago. I always figured there was something weird about me. All my girlfriends over the years were very clear that love meant monogamy and that people shouldn’t cheat. Yet, here I was getting off on the idea. I was confused and thought there wouldn’t be many like me, until I did a Google search and found that my ‘thing’ had a name. And here we are.
Language is such a powerful thing. Finding the proper words to express and identify ourselves can be deeply empowering. When you discovered the word “cuckquean” did you tell your husband right away? How did he respond?
When I discovered the ‘cuckquean’ thing, I immediately messaged my husband. He was astounded and I guess relieved to find that it was normal. He had had many misunderstandings when we’d first gone into it. He’d thought it was a way for me to open the conversation about sleeping with other men — it wasn’t. Or that I didn’t love him fully — I did.
Cuckqueaning (and cuckolding) is a complex creature that needs to be unpacked before exploring. There needs to be a great deal of trust, communication, and honesty. That wasn’t the case with my first marriage which is probably part of the reason why it never went very far. That and I don’t feel my husband was the kind of guy that would willingly chat up or fuck other women the way I’d fantasized about.
With my second husband, the conversation came up during a time when we weren’t having a lot of sex. We had had our first baby and he was about fifteen months old. Sex had all but gone out the window and when we had sex it was really bad. I don’t know how the conversation came about. I guess part of me was thinking, well I can’t have sex with him now so he might as well fuck other women.
It was ironic because when I brought it out onto the table, we ended up fucking a lot, like three times a day. It opened up a portal for us that got us back to having frequent, great sex. We talked about it a lot and I wanted to really go for it and see what happened. And then, I got pregnant again [big smiles].
It is amazing how that can happen — the increase in sex when you’re honest about what you want. It allows you to share in the turn on of it all. So interesting!
I remember throughout our earlier conversations you had mentioned that your previous husband had a hard time dealing with your cuckquean fantasies. Can you tell our readers a little bit about this, and why you believe such a fantasy was so difficult in that relationship.
My first marriage wasn’t good. I wasn’t committed on any level and our sex life was awful. We had a brief separation where he had met and had sex with someone else. When I found out about it, I was shocked and turned on. When we got back together and were having sex, I asked him to tell me about it. He was quite dismissive in general and didn’t really get into it. It’s not that I didn’t feel safe to talk about it, I just didn’t have the desire to really get into it with him in particular.
So when, in fact, did you have your first cuckquean experience?
After talking about it with my husband a lot (and having great sex in the meantime) I told him I really, really wanted him to go for it. He was going out with a friend and I gave him my blessing to do as he wished.
The next morning, he messaged me to say he’d had sex. I was absolutely shaking and felt sick. I was scared I’d made a huge mistake. I was also early pregnant at the time. We ended up having an argument about it when he got home, and he was angry that I’d put him in that position. It took time to talk through the emotions and in all honesty the way we got over it was by fucking. We fucked our way through the upset and upheaval.
After that, I kinda got it out my system. He would message women and I would read the messages and get off on them.
Since then, he’s fucked another four women.
I’ve had similar experiences whereby James had sexual interactions with women — with my blessing — only to find me utterly distraught afterwards. We also made it through with communication and intimacy.
It’s an interesting phenomenon, because the intimacy that follows is quite intense! Looking back, I think the discomfort came from working through preconceived messages about monogamy and infidelity. Luckily, those beliefs weren’t actually mine (they were handed down to me), and the cuckquean fantasy overpowered and eradicated them.
So, is cuckqueaning now a regular part of your sexuality?
I’d say that it comes up 98% of the time we have sex. So yes, it’s what does it for me. When we have sex, I want to talk about it and fantasize about it to get off. And then there’s the build up to him actually doing it.
I’m very curious about the cuckquean etiquette you and your husband have for your relationship. For example, how does your husband partners? Are you involved in this process?
We use Ashley Madison (AM), or he finds women when away on business, which is a lot. I’m involved to an extent. I wrote his most recent AM profile. He shows me messages — but that’s a turn on for me.
For example, he was on Tinder on business yesterday and found a woman. He sent me pictures of their messages. It turned me on but that’s also my ‘out’ if I chose it. To say I don’t want him to. He likes to send me messages of the prelude for full transparency.
I like to see who he’s fucking. I like to know all the details. It’s important to me. Not just as a turn on but because I need the transparency and to know exactly what went down — another pun!
It’s usually me that pushes, and he obliges. Willingly of course.
You’ve mentioned to me before that you have never been present when your husband takes another woman to bed. Would you ever be interested in being present with him and another woman — even just to watch — or is this separation part of the turn on for you?
We have talked about me being present and it is a next step for us. We just need to figure out how to make that happen. I fantasize about it but have always wondered how it would be and if it would spoil the fantasy in anyway.
For me, I do find it a turn on to not be there, to have to use my imagination to an extent.
Are there any rules or limits that you and your husband have for this kind of play?
Not specifically. Always safe sex — although we play with the fantasy of him not using one so that he can cum inside her. I would find him having sex in our bed a turn on.
What happens between you and your husband after he has slept with someone else?
It’s tricky because we have two small kids but usually he tells me by message what he’s been up to. I get the most information then and then when we go to bed that night, we have sex, and he tells me exactly what happened.
Do you find this lifestyle difficult to balance with family life?
Yes, from the perspective of finding time. My husband doesn’t have much of a social life, but he is travelling a lot. Also, the children are pretty tiring at times!
As a cuckquean, I know myself how difficult this question can be to answer, but tell me, what is it about your man sleeping with other women that you find so appealing?
I don’t know. It’s so hard to pinpoint. I guess there’s the attraction of him being an alpha male. Of other women wanting him. Of him being sexually satisfied by another woman. Of him wanting another woman. It’s all just a massive turn on for me and I can’t tell you exactly why.
What has this type of sexuality done for you, your husband and your relationship — both the positive and negative?
It’s certainly opened up our sex life as I mentioned before. It’s guaranteed to get me off every time we talk about it, so it’s great for my husband to have that ability to turn me on very easily. It has heightened our trust and communication and I have no doubt that our love is very deep and true. Not every relationship can take this level of intimacy with other people. Polyamory is obviously huge, but this is different. It’s a very niche and unique type of kink that I’ve fully embraced. The negative effects have been the occasional jealousy that’s arisen but that is normal, and we talk and fuck our way through it.
I can absolutely relate to that. How do you cope with this jealousy?
I believe it’s normal to get pangs of jealousy about different things. I remind myself that it’s just sex, not love. That we have a wonderfully enriched relationship with trust and love. We are secure. If jealousy arises it might be about how fit or beautiful a woman was. Whether she was better than me, etc. But my husband is amazing and always reassures me. If I’m jealous I tell him I’m jealous, and he’s straight on it to reassure me about whatever it is.
It’s still a turn on but there can be cuckquean angst. As time goes on it’s much easier. It doesn’t bother me about all the women he’s fucked before but the woman he fucked last night (as I type this) is playing on my mind a bit more. But we’ve yet to fuck so ask me again in a day or so and the answer might be different.
What advice would you give to couples who are interested in opening their relationship in a similar way?
There’s no need to take it from the fantasy of the bedroom to the real world. It takes on a new dynamic obviously when it’s actually happening, but the sex can be just as explosive without actually going there with another woman. That would be the first thing. Both parties have to be totally into it. I had to convince my husband that it was ok. And even then it wasn’t (as I mentioned above).
Be aware that shit will come up and need to be dealt with. Jealousy the main one.
If your relationship is fully committed and honest then you’ll be ok. My previous marriage was full of lies and deceit. A cuckquean relationship would NEVER have worked with that backdrop. I fully trust my husband and know that he loves me deeply. Otherwise, we might run into problems.
You also must be fairly confident with who you are as a woman. I know I’m the best thing that’s happened to my husband [smiles].
That’s really great advice, and I agree. You need a strong foundation to fulfill this kind of fantasy, and not be afraid of communicating — especially when it gets ugly. What has been your favourite experience so far?
My husband met a woman on Ashley Madison who was fully aware of the situation and consented to photos and videos of them fucking. When I woke up in the morning, he messaged them to me and that was amazing as I got to see their exploits. I guess that’s the next best thing to being in the room. I’d be open to more videos.
You’ve written a book along this theme, titled My Husband and the Au Pair. Is this novel based in truth?
Great question. I had a scathing review on Amazon by a customer saying that it wasn’t real because the story wasn’t a conventional ‘cuckquean’ relationship. I need to clarify that this book is called My Husband & The Au-Pair: A Cuckquean Fantasy. It’s a fantasy novel for cuckqueans based on what I, as a cuckquean, fantasize about. It’s not based on truth although the idea started when we were talking about getting an au-pair. A hot blonde had applied and we had a lot of chat about her living with us and my husband fucking her regularly.
The ideas about that just kept coming and so I decided to write them in a book, all based around this one fantasy. None of what I’ve written in the book has happened to us, it’s simply a fantasy novel that will appeal to cuckqueans. I know because I’ve been told by other women who’ve read the book that it turned them on.
How can we get a copy of your novel?
It’s on Amazon. You can read the scathing review too [laughter]! Not everyone will love your art I guess…
What is something you’d like people to know or understand about you, your fantasy, or open relationships in general?
I’m a normal mom-next-door with a wonderful, loving marriage and an awesome dynamic to my sex-life that I now openly embrace.
Thank you so much for your openness and honesty!
Thank you, I really appreciate you asking these amazing questions!
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
So, tell me, what unconventional thing makes your sex and/or relationships so great for you?