Article Originally Published October 16, 2018
I married my Dom! I’ve been writing this everywhere I can, because it just feels so damn good to say it! Truth is, I’ve been racking my brain over this article, and what I want to say, and I just keep coming back to the wedding itself. Dominants tend to get a bad rap. In the media they are characterized as cold, broken men with deep rooted, unexplored issues that have manifested in dark and twisty ways (cough, Christian Grey, cough!). Although there are bad apples everywhere we look, my D/s experience has been nothing short of satisfying, physically and emotionally.
Somewhere in the French Alps, clouds were rolling in overhead. Our vows spoken in front of misty-eyed family and friends. An acoustic guitar strummed Love Me Like You Do, and the accompanying flute garnished it with twinkle and romance. He wore a black suit, accented by a red gilet. His dark features projected love and delicious, dark promises. I felt like Morticia Addams in my long, black gown. It was perfect…
We spent the next several weeks hearing guests tell us, “That was the most emotional wedding I’ve ever been to. But it makes sense, because of who you are – who you let people be when they’re around you.” Even for James and I, so deeply in love and in-tune, were astonished by the outpouring of love and emotion. It was beautiful, otherworldly. Unforgettable!
That is the impact my Dom has on people. His heart is gold, even if his desires are steel.
Behind the Dom
Being Dominant (or submissive, for that matter) is simply a piece to a whole human. I married my Dom, but I also married a practical, loving and fair human. Someone who is open and caring, unafraid to be vulnerable, unafraid to love and be loved. I married an honest, intelligent, ambitious man; someone that is ever-changing and growing; someone who is willing to be silly when it’s called for, someone who can be serious when necessary, and yes, someone who can shed his tears and profess his love unabashedly. I married my Dom. But I also married someone I hope reflects the future of our kind: a person who shows up with nothing but love.
Sexuality does not define a person. It can influence pieces of them, but who they are can also impact their sexuality. James lets people be what they are. When he entered my life, rather than trying to remold me, he took a step back and gave me the space to grow. Beyond the momentary embodiments of a hardened, Dominant exterior, lies a man so deeply devoted to me, so selfless and loving, that letting go – feeling free – became as simple as saying, “I do.”
A Look Behind the Curtain
As a tribute to your loyalty, reader, and my marriage, I collected your questions about my relationship with James, and answered them below…
Has marrying your Dom taken the thrill out of BDSM?
Absolutely not. Because of who James and I are, and based on how much we communicate about sex and fantasy, this journey of ours has really just begun.
The thrill is born out of the connection we have. We are excited to do things together. We are always changing and adapting in sex and love. There are activities I didn’t like at the beginning of our relationship, but am curious about now. That shows me we’ve only explored the tip of the iceberg, and I’m impatient to see how we change as a couple. We’re continuously discovering and rediscovering ourselves and each other.
Has marrying your Dom made you want to explore BDSM further?
Marriage hasn’t impacted my curiosity more or less. I still feel the exact same about sexual exploration as before, meaning I am just as open to new ideas and looking to deepen my own sexual becoming through experimentation with James, and other women. Marriage, in essence, is a contract. It doesn’t enhance nor diminish a relationship.
Now that James is your husband, does cuckqueaning still appeal to you?
Yes, as I mentioned in the last response, marriage has no impact on my desire or preferences. Thinking that marriage is a red light, rather than a green one, puts a halt on sexual adventure in a harmful way. Marriage, if anything, should be an invitation for people to deepen their sexual connection in ways that align with the boundaries of their relationship.
Has sex changed since marriage?
Only because we’ve been travelling with family non-stop. Our desire for each other is still going strong.
Have you learned anything since being married?
For those of you who don’t know, I’m finishing my sex coaching certification, and in doing so have learned that James has, what we call, a “preferred” fetish. Generally there are three types of fetishes:
- Optional – whereby the object of desire is a part of a person’s sexual repertoire, but is not required for sexual gratification
- Preferred – whereby the object of desire is not absolutely required for sexual gratification, but if given the option, would be incorporated
- Exclusive – where the object of desire is required for sexual gratification
I found this tidbit of information quite fascinating, and it has allowed me to further understand my husband.
Have your sexual preferences changed now that your married?
I find it so amusing answering these questions as if I’ve just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary, and have all this wild, BDSM-marriage related wisdom. I’m a newlywed, let’s be real, the only thing that has changed is the frequency for the reason stated above. Other than that, I’m still a submissive cuckquean.
What is next for Quean Mo and James?
After our honeymoon (that 12-day cruise I mentioned), Master J and I will be spending another season working in the French Alps. I will be completing my certification, and continuing with my current Clients online (with the hopes of enrolling new ones).
Also, during the winter season, James and I will be preparing for our one-year road trip throughout North America. I will be looking for sex clubs, sex events and conferences to attend, as well as sex workers, sex educators, alternative lifestyle participants, and folk from the LGBTQ+ community to interview!
We are so excited about this!
Loyal followers, it amazes me every day that you care this much about my life and relationship with James. You mean the world to me…
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
So, tell me, has your relationship changed since marriage? If yes, how so? If you’re not married, what is your biggest fear about tying the knot?