We all know by now that Dominants tend to get a bad rap. In the media they are characterized as cold, broken men with deep rooted, unexplored and/or unexpressed issues that have manifested in dark and twisty ways (cough, Christian Grey, cough!). And although I’m sure these people exist (perhaps with less money, and a few restraining orders – seriously, therapy’s encouraged), my experience with my D/s relationship has been a complete contrast to that portrayal.
I want you to imagine this:
Us, lost atop a mountain in the French Alps. Sun is shining, although the clouds are slowly rolling in overhead. Guitar and flute singing Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do in the sweet, crisp air. Him, standing in his black suit; his satin, red gilet bringing out his dark features; me, walking down the aisle in my long, black gown…
When he took my hand in his, and we both made promises to one another in front of our family and friends, nothing was present but love. And after we said our “I do’s,” and the bridal party gave their speeches, nothing was present but love.
For days after, I would hear people tell me, “That was the most emotional wedding I’ve ever been to. But it makes sense, because of who you are; who you let people be when they’re around you.”
In my entire life I’ve never witnessed so many men crying at one time. It was beautiful, otherworldly. Unforgettable! That is the impact my Dom has on people; that is the impact we have on people.
Being Dominant (or submissive, for that matter) is just a piece of the whole human. Yes, I married my Dom. I also married a practical, loving and fair human. Someone who is open and caring, unafraid to be vulnerable, unafraid to love and be loved. I married an honest, intelligent, ambitious man; someone that is ever changing and growing; someone who is willing to be silly when it’s called for, someone who can be serious when necessary, and yes, someone who can shed his tears and yell to the world, “I love her!” when he feels the need to. No restraints, no refrain…
I married my Dom. But I also married someone I hope reflects the future of our kind: a person who shows up with nothing but love.
Why am I so thrilled that I married my Dom? How does Master J make being a submissive so enjoyable for me?
Because he let’s people be what they are when they’re around him. When he entered my life, rather than trying to remold me, he took a step back and gave me the space to grow.
Because beyond the momentary embodiment of the hardened, Dominant exterior, lies a man so deeply in tune and devoted to me, so selfless and loving, that letting go – being free – became as simple as saying, “I do.”
So, what now?
Questions from followers…
Has marrying your Dom taken the thrill out of BDSM?
No, no and no. Because of who Master J and I are, and based on how much we communicate about sex and fantasy, this journey of ours has really just begun.
The truth is the thrill comes with the connection we have, and the things we get excited about doing together. Just because we’ve tried something once or twice, doesn’t mean it’s now boring to us. There are so many alternative ways of working with items and scenarios, I believe we’ve only explored the tip of the iceberg! We’re also continuously discovering and rediscovering ourselves and each other. Something as simple as mood can have such a huge impact on the way a scene will go.
Has marrying your Dom made you want to explore BDSM further?
Marriage hasn’t impacted my curiosity more or less. I still feel the exact same about sexual exploration as before, meaning I am just as open to new ideas and looking to deepen my own sexual becoming through experimentation with Master J, and other women.
Now that Master J is your husband, does cuckqueaning still appeal to you?
Yes. Marriage hasn’t changed this whatsoever. I think that the idea that “being married” puts a halt on sexual adventure is a harmful way of thinking, as it can cause suppression of natural desires people may have. Marriage should be an invitation for people to deepen their sexual connection in ways that fit within the agreements of their relationship.
Has sex changed since marriage?
We are about seven weeks post marriage, and we’ve had sex about seven times! Now, for some of you, you may think this is a pretty good number – once a week ain’t too shabby – but, you have to know that this is much less than what’s normal for us. On top of that, there has been ZERO domination involved (Master J is on the verge of imploding).
Now, before you go thinking marriage = death of sex life, understand that since we’ve been back in Canada, we’ve been traveling and visiting friends and family non-stop. It’s safe to say that our 12-day cruise at the end of this month will be enjoyed. Thoroughly! Sorry in advance to our neighbours on the ship…
Have you learned anything since being married?
For those of you who don’t know, I’m finishing my sex coaching certification, and in doing so have learned that Master J has, what we call, a “preferred” fetish. Generally there are three types of fetishes:
1) Optional – whereby the object of desire is a part of a person’s sexual repertoire, but is not required for sexual gratification
2) Preferred – whereby the object of desire is not absolutely required for sexual gratification, but if given the option, would be incorporated
3) Exclusive – where the object of desire is required for sexual gratification
I found this tidbit of information quite fascinating, and has allowed me to further understand Master J (and myself).
Have your sexual preferences changed now that your married?
I find it so amusing answering these questions as if I’ve just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary, and have all this wild, BDSM-marriage related wisdom. I’m a newlywed, let’s be real, the only thing that has changed is the frequency for the reasons stated above. Other than that, I’m still a submissive cuckquean, looking for the perfect woman to fulfill my fantasy.
What is next for Quean Mo and Master J?
After our honeymoon (that 12-day cruise I mentioned), Master J and I will be spending another season working in the French Alps. I will be completing my certification, and continuing with my current Clients online (with the hopes of enrolling new ones).
Also, during the winter season, Master J and I will be preparing for our one-year road trip throughout North America. I will be looking for sex clubs, sex events and conferences to attend, as well as sex workers, sex educators, alternative lifestyle and LGBTQ communities to meet and interview! Find out more here.
We are so excited about this!
I want to thank everyone who has subscribed to my blog, and all my loyal followers. The last couple of months have been a ride, to say the least, and it means the world to me that you’re all still interested (and so supportive) of what I do, say, and…who I am!
Until next time,