RAF: The Essential Witch

Sitting on a bed in Rennes, France, 5,586 km apart (according to Google), I am met by a very enthusiastic guest. Connected in ways much more profound than Skype, the conversation commences with laughter and warmth. She sports a stylish, yet comfy, look, radiating her natural beauty through the screen. She was the first person I came out to as cuckquean, as bisexual; she is a force to be reckoned with. Aside from being an actress, vegan, human rights activist, and feminist, The Essential Witch is working her magic (no pun intended) to provide us with toxic-free, vegan products that will enhance our lives. She isbrilliant, a natural comedian, and an open door to a broader view of humanity and earth. On that note, I am proud to welcome my baby sister.

I Identify as a Witch

Before we jump into her current work as a Young Living consultant, we discuss her identity and the diversity within the witch realm.I identify as a witch,” she began. What that really means is I follow a path that is definitely naturesque. Anything that is found in nature, I’ll implement into my life on a daily basis. That could be from plants and herbs, needing to be in the sun a minimum of thirty minutes a day, as this can impact my mood. And, yes, stereotypically, creating potions and casting spells.”

As a vegan for 7 years, the Essential Witch has quite naturally been drawn to the interconnectedness of all living things. She’s been on a road of self-discovery since her big move to New York City in the year 2016. The culture of such a progressive metropolitan area gave space for her veganism, naturopathic and liberal tendencies to flourish. It is through this flourishing that she came across Young Living, acompany devoted to providing the world with the purest essential oils and oil-infused products, as well as empowering people to lead lives of overall wellbeing.I became interested in essential oils [because] aroma therapy is an allnatural way of helping ailments that can range

from physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental. In comparison to a lot of companies, Young Living is the most pure. It’s chemical-free, synthetic-free, and they also have a lot of vegan products, which is awesome. One of the main reasons I was turned on to them was because I needed mental clarity;had, and still do have, a lot of stress in my life. Whenever I’m in need of an energy pickup, straight up stress relief, or if I need to meditate for a minute, I can count on their variety of oils.”

Young Living versus Cat Woman

Her relationship with her essential oils is ritualistic, and connected to her spirituality. Meditation in combination with the use of these oils helps the Essential Witch move inward, realigning herself with nature. As an earth sign myself, I have always found refuge amongst the wild. In saying that, I was curious what the difference was between someone such as myself, and a practicing witch.One could call themselves a naturopath or naturalist, and still consider themselves a witch. In my realm that would translate into, what we call, a Green Witch. A Green Witch, like many witches, can practice any religion – they could be Jewish, Christian, Muslim – or not be based in any particular faith whatsoever. Green Witches associate themselves with nature and create potions, spells, ideas and manifest things by using elements of nature.”
She then goes on to explain, “Personally, I’m an Eclectic Witch. What that means is I take and adopt different elements from a variety of religions, such as Christianity, Paganism, and Wiccan. I think about Buddhism a lot. I incorporate many philosophies into my life. Whatever works for me, I continue to use. I’ve noticed that I tend to draw more so from Paganism or Wiccan. There are several types of witches and…wizards…I still can’t get over that word.We both laugh, as she puts on an exceptional British accent and yells, “Harry Potter,” as to reveal the fact that the term wizard is for male witches. “I have met some men who call themselves witches and not wizards,” she admits, because they too, for whatever reason, cannot get over the word wizard.” At this moment she screams, “Merlin!”
Her eccentricities keep the conversation light and humorous.So, yes, men call themselves witches, too. And I’m like, all the power to you!” I can see her slowly begin to fiddle with a few bottles she’s arranged on the table in front of her. She’s ready to get down to business. I ask her then, how one would begin utilizing essential oils if they know nothing about them.
What I suggest to people who are interested in Young Living is to check out the different starter kits, as there are a few.” The Essential Witch then impressively (and accurately) begins to explain the differences between each starter kit, what is included and what each product is good for. She speaks in depth about her own experiences with these products and how profoundly they’ve improved the quality of her life. “So,” I question, “if someone came to you with a specific issue they’re having, you could recommend a starter kit tailored to their needs?
Definitely. This is exactly why they have starter kits, because the first oils you receive are the eleven basic oils. You get lavender, which is huge for sleep; lemon, for energy and digestion; Stress Away©, for obvious reasons and thieves, to name a few. You can combine them to assist with specific ailments, but they are the foundational oils. From there, you can see what works for you, and further explore oils that may have a greater, positive impact on specific ailments. I am definitely someone who can point people in the right direction.
As someone who has always suffered from facial blemishes, I bring up the point that I, in fact, have harsher reactions when I use natural products, and therefore have only stuck with them for a few days before discontinuing out of fear.
“…there’s a chance that it could be because your body is detoxing the chemicals that you were previously using. I switched to a thieves deodorant, and at first I had these horrible bumps under my arms; however, about a week later, the bumps disappeared, and I’ve never stopped using it. That was my body’s way of accepting the natural product and ridding itself of the toxins.
I find it interesting as a woman nearing thirty, the transition I have made from the juvenile and ludicrous idea that external beauty is superior to internal health. It had been part of the initial reason I abandoned natural products, because the reaction caused so much self-consciousness and insecurity, I refused to continue. In confiding in the Essential Witch about this, she counters with, “It’s like Cat Woman, that horrible movie with Halle Berry. They are selling this face cream to women that makes them b-e-a-utiful, until they stop using it, because of the shit that they’re putting in it…like, that’s the basis of this movie.Spoiler alert! You know, if anyone’s been meaning to watch that.We just don’t realize how bad [a product] is until we stop using it, or how good one is until we continue using it,” she concludes.
Having been living in Europe for a year, mainly in France and Austria, Ive noticed that essential oils are a staple in the medicine cabinet. This is the first pick, over pharmaceuticals, when in need of remedies. I have ingested, diffused and applied oils topically, all to which I have found relief from stuffy noses, coughs, sore throats and headaches. The Essential Witch was quite pleased to hear this, “I personally love ingesting oils [laughter], I’m like “put’em in my belleh!” (British accent back again in a flash).
The Essential Witch tells me about a time she hijacked her boyfriend’s routine for pain relief by using a mixture of essential oils on his back, rather than the lotion he had given her. After feeling the difference in sensation and relief, he messaged her, saying, “wow, this really works; it’s like ICY HOT®, only without all the chemicals!” In which she responded, “thanks infomercial man!

Moon Time, Moon Time, Moon Time

Through my own research I also learned that many essential oils are known to be good for sexual health. At the mention of this, the Essential Witch began singing, “Moon time, moon time, moon time,” which is her term for her menstrual cycle. Gotta love that moon time! You can definitely diffuse specific oils to create calm, ease discomfort, or sometimes to just bring you to that emotional peak so you can get the hell over it. Put in some lavender, meditate, cry, then jaunt down the street with some ice cream. Done!She speaks about a specific oil called Pan Away©. It is specific for muscle pain and tension, or cramping, and as someone who experiences excruciating menstrual cramps, it is safe to say this product is in my cart, ready for purchase!

Mix this with coconut oil and rub, she tells me, “for extremely long time” over the affected area. She then goes on to lower and deepen her voice, with an uncanny resemblance to the queen from Snow White, revealing a “secret” essential oil called Progessence Plus (PP). Her sound effects give a comical edge to her promotional skills, which make for one heck of a writing challenge!

The Essentials Witch has heard from several people that when their partners have stopped using PP, they can, in fact, tell. “In other words, Godzilla is in da house,” she exclaims. Users of PP notice the contrast between their “moon time” depending on the utilization of this essential oil, and have been blown away by its results. It is a staple in many medicine cabinets for all humans who experience bleeding.

I ask her about her period, which she says is on its way. “I hope I get it tomorrow,” she admits. We joke that being so close to her moon time has left her with five personalities running around rampant within her, evident by her changing tones, accents and demeanour. But in all truth, it is her natural and eccentric skill of creation that brings about these variations of character.

Not unlike myself, the Essential Witch experiences such severe menstrual cramping that upon arrival of our period, we can’t move. When expressing the fact that I tend to vomit as a result of the pain, she counters with, ya, me too, as well as shit all over the floor.I become hysterical at her honesty and vulgarity, a trait I rather admire. She sheds light on the seemingly unspeakable things us women face. “Remember to have the toilet and the trash can ready for you, oh, but wait, you don’t need it because you have Progessence Plus!” I appreciate the irony in her exaggerated enthusiasm, for she understands the power of this product.

The Essential Witch and I are both being tested for endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome (PSOS) due to the severity of our menstrual symptoms. When the conversation seemed to be adopting a serious tone, the Essential Witch screeches, “I have chips in my belly button,” bringing all hilarity back to the surface. Pitas are tough, man.”

I was determined to spend my final moments discussing sex with the Essential Witch. She is an extreme liberal, however, reserved in her sexual expression. She, as I have mentioned, was the first to hear about my bisexuality and cuckquean fantasy. She met this admission with enthusiasm and gratitude. She was honoured that I would share such intimate details about my orientation and lifestyle with her. In saying that, when it comes to her own sexual interests, she tends to keep them within the confines of her relationship, which I respect. In saying that, it wouldn’t be normal for me, the Quean, to conduct an interview without at least grazing the surface, so, staying relevant to the subject, I inquired about the essential oils she uses to get her in the mood.

Roses Really Smell Like Poo-oo-ooo

Without hesitation, she responded, “Rose. My first reactions was, how cliché! In which she countered, “Right? But the truth is, roses really smell like poo-oo-ooo! Legit though! Go up to a rose cart in France, and take a whiff. It smells..dirty. I don’t like the smell of roses. Yet, this oil…I can’t even describe it. It’s so pure and fresh, and it feels luxurious; like I own it. She tells me about her “rose ritual” whereby she adds ten drops of rose to her bath (even though they recommend three), because she can’t get enough of its scent.
Rose leaves your skin super-uper-duper-pooper-uber-suber soft. It smells like a garden gave birth to you! You know why rose is such a cliché? Because it friggen works people, get over it! It’s a very sensual smell. So, ya, definitely rose. Top notch, yo!Another favourite oil of hers is jasmine, which she says is a personal choice as most people love it or hate it. ‘“It reminds me of the smell of rain – a scene in a lusty movie where they run to the nearest cabin and rip each other’s clothes off.” She moves along abruptly, “You know how sometimes you’re mentally stimulated, but physically you want to die?It’s a daily struggle. I use ENRGEE© for that. It stings your nostrils, but it gets your body ready.
She then goes on to imitate Jennifer Lawrence’s character in American Hustle, “It’s like, perfumey, but there’s also something rotten. And I know that sounds crazy, but I can’t get enough of it.She calls it her “love-hate scent. She tells me she used some this morning, which further explains her seemingly endless supply of energy and wit. She hums a wild tune and then spits at me, “try to write THAT down!” According to her, ENRGEE© is a product you only need to sniff to benefit from it. When she finally tells me about sandle wood being one of her preferred scents, as it’s “musky,” I feel as though I’ve hit the jackpot. When I ask her if it reminds her of a hot, sexy, sweaty man, thinking this will get her to reveal more sensual details, she simply responds, “ya, like a sauna.”
Without pause, she begins reading the science literature at the bottom of her pamphlet for essential oils, but ends in an abrupt southern drawl, “I ain’t gonna get all scientific on you because, for one, I ain’t no scientist, two, I ain’t givin’ nobody no lesson, three, somebody else knows more than me anyway. We erupt into laughter. No, perhaps the Essential Witch is “no scientist,” but she is a beautiful soul, one heck of a comedic act and one hell of a naturalistic guru.
To learn more about the Essential Witch, follow her on instagram @theessential_witch OR shop online at her Young Living™ page.

Purchasing notes – be sure to put in your country of residence; sign up and become part of the team/community without even purchasing anything. Receive a welcome package from The Essential Witch herself.

Until next time,

Fuck-well, friends!

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