Where My Head’s At

The Quean’s Playlists and Media

In my online realm of BDSM, kink and open relationships, it’s very rare I get asked what could be considered a regular question. When it does happen, however, it’s humbling to hear from people who are interested in that other side of me – the every day stuff, not just what happens between the sheets (or in sex clubs…). Since the debut of COTQ, one specific question has found its way into my DMs more than any other: “What is the Quean currently listening to?”

As someone who, as a child, believed they’d be at the peak of their musical career by now (it was the dream), I have a special relationship with music. It, by far, is the one thing that can most release me from myself. It inspires me, moves me…Charlie, Stephen Chbosky’s character in Perks of Being a Wallflower, describes it best, “And in this moment, I swear we are infinite….”

Music does that: makes me feel infinite, connected, unending. When there’s the right sound, in just the right moment…that’s my most enlightened state. Love, pleasure, music: my religion.

So, what am I listening to right now, you ask? Below is an incomplete list of songs, and beyond that is relevant media I have read, listened to or watched lately, that I recommend to all humans. The additional media cover themes of body image, feminism, and of course, sex.

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Playlist 1: Release

Without fail, these titles get me up and moving. I tend to listen to these tracks when I’m working out, angry, frustrated, or feeling super energetic. They bring me to the peak of whatever emotion I’m feeling, and let me come down from it through physical and vocal expression. I play these songs, LOUD!

Just Tonight by The Pretty Reckless
C’est La Vie by Khaled
Give Me Back My Hometown by Eric Church
Remind Me to Forget by Kygo and Miguel
Work Bitch by Britney Spears
‘Til the World Ends by Britney Spears
Fast Car (cover) by Jonas Blue feat Dakota
Cold Water by Major Lazer ft. Justin Bieber and MØ
Burning Man by Dierks Bentley
Back to You by Selena Gomez
This Feeling by The Chainsmokers ft. Kelsea Ballerini
Love You Like That by Canaan Smith
I Will Wait by Mumford & Sons
Hurricane by Luke Combs
Wake Me Up (cover) by Tebey ft. Emerson Drive
Touch by Little Mix

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Playlist 2: In Fields & Under Stars

Have you ever heard a song and you feel like it was just written for you? They either lift you up or help you tally the dark moments of your life? That’s how these titles make me feel or have made me feel in the past.

Holocene by Bon Iver
All the Pretty Girls by KALEO
Let It All Go by Birdy and Rhodes
Let’s Hurt Tonight by One Republic
Crystals by Of Monsters and Men
Haywire by Bootsraps
Colors by Halsey
Praying by Kesha
Sleep On the Floor by the Lumineers
Jumper by Third Eye Blind
Deep Inside of You by Third Eye Blind
Scott Street by Phoebe Bridgers
Killer + The Sound by Phoebe Bridgers, Noah and Abby Gundersen
The Funeral by Phoebe Bridgers
Hurt by Johnny Cash
Name by The Goo Goo Dolls
Song for Someone by U2
Cassie’s Song by City and Colour
Cool Kids by Echosmith
Colder Weather by Zac Brown Band
Skyscraper by Demi Lovato

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Playlist 3: Empowerment

Every human should have their go-to anthems when they start feeling the weight of the world, you know, to remind them of how fucken awesome and powerful they are. These are a few of mine:

I’m Alive by Sia
Army by Ellie Goulding
Fight Song by Rachel Platten
Love Myself by Hailee Steinfeld
Most Girls by Hailee Steinfeld
This Feeling by The Chainsmokers ft. Kelsea Ballerini
Thursday by Jess Glynne
Praying by Kesha


Playlist 4: Dark Goddess

Then there’s those few you save for when you’re putting on that lip stick, getting ready to hit the streets in your new high heels, or the bed in some recently purchased lingerie. For me, these songs never disappoint.

Crazy in Love by Sofia Karlberg
In the Air Tonight by Natalie Taylor
Wolves by Marshmellow & Selena Gomez
Take Me to Church by Hozier
Fifty Shades Free, Official Song
Not Afraid Anymore by Halsey
Call Out My Name by The Weekend

On The Book Shelf

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski

To say this book changed my life is an understatement. Come As You Are answered questions I wasn’t even sure how to ask; it put my own sexuality into perspective, allowing me to further explore desires I had trouble identifying. It explains the diversity of female sexuality using easy, yet fascinating science. If you are a woman, or are looking to please a woman, this book is for you!


For a glimpse of what information you’ll receive in this book, check out Emily’s Ted Talk. It may be one of the most important videos you ever watch.

Pussy by Regena Thomashauer

In this semi-autobiographical, self-help book, Regena (aka Mama Gena) asks the important questions to get women thinking about the roles they play in their own life. In doing this, she reconnects us to our, you guessed it, pussy: the source of our power. For spiritual women, or women searching for deeper meaning, Pussy is the book for you.

Why Women Have Sex by Cindy M. Melton & David M. Buss

A heavier read, with it’s statistics and theories, Why Women Have Sexexplores what it’s title suggests. It does so by way of vast collections of studies and interviews covering topics of “motivations from adventure to revenge.” If you prefer academic texts about sexuality, this may be one for you.

The Great Wide Web of Sex

Below are my go-to sources for diverse voices within the realm of sexuality, relationships and, of course, BDSM, kink and polyamory.

The Science of Sex Podcast

By far my favourite resource for in depth, academic conversations. With its two passionate and dichromatic hosts – Dr. Zhana, sex researcher, educator and coach; and Joe Pardavila, radio personality this podcast is nothing short of entertaining and informational. They even take questions from listeners for their Q&A episodes!

Lady Cheeky

When I first discovered Lady Cheeky, I was bewildered. It offers diverse, sensual porn for women in the form of images and GIFS. It helps that the creator of this site is a sex educator herself, and her work is largely focussed on accepting one’s body. She speaks openly and thoroughly about “fat sex,” and how, regardless of your size, sex can (and should) be enjoyable!

Girly Juice

Kate Sloan, a Torontonian like myself, is a well-known writer and podcast co-host within her arena. She unabashedly shares her personal accounts of the BDSM world, with raw truth to the emotions and etiquette involved. She also reviews sex toys, has written for other well known publications, and gives talks at numerous events around the area. It was when I discovered her blog that I found that last ounce of courage I needed to hit the “publish” button on my website. We all need our heroines, am I right?
The Gifts of Netflix

Because I’ve been traveling non-stop for the last 15 months, I haven’t had much downtime to Netflix and chill (literally and metaphoricallyspeaking). On the few occasions I was able to sneak away for a quick fix, I fell upon two documentaries worth giving an honourable mention.

Feminists: What Were They Thinking?

Filmmaker Johanna Demetrakas focussed her documentary on a photobook that was produced by photographer Cynthia MacAdams in 1977. In 2018, Demetrakas revisits those who were captured in this book, letting them tell their own stories of sexism and change. It is a film that reminds us of where we’ve been, what to be grateful for, but also the intersectionality of feminism, and the fact that there’s still so much to be done, and so many voices that aren’t being heard. For anyone looking for inspiration and women to aspire to, this film is a great place to start.

Embrace

Not only a documentary, but a body image movement. This film follows Taryn Brumfitt, a writer and film director from Adelaide. As a mother of three, Taryn, like many of us, considered plastic surgery to “right” all of the things society was telling her were “wrong” about her body.However, rather than going under the knife, she decided to get into fitness, which became a catalyst for her “body-loving” philosophy. Embrace takes you through the messages society has been brain washing women with for centuries, and helps the audience redefine the ideals of beauty, eliminating the weight loss propaganda we are constantly bombarded with. A must see for anyone who wishes to shed their insecurities and embrace their true beauty, which can simply be discovered just by being yourself.

Until next time,

Fuck-well friends!

…and tell me, what are you currently listening to, reading, watching?

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