RAF: Q&A, Round II

Loyal followers and Collar Club Members, I have to admit one of my favourite things about being a blogger is receiving your sex and relationship questions. I’m humbled that many of you come to me for advice and guidance, be it through Q&A submissions or one-on-one coaching. Without your growing support, COTQ wouldn’t have gotten this far, so, sincerely, thank you!

One of my favourite murals from Wyndham Walls, Miami. Jessica Rabbit doing what she does best… #theboss

BDSM & Kink

Q1: Where do you and Master J get new ideas for kink and BDSM?

I have to admit that Master J and I are fairly creative humans. We mostly rely on what our imaginations conjure. We’ve been fantasizing about domination and submission, literally, since we were children, which has made the composition of scenes a natural process for us. That isn’t to say we aren’t curious about what others are doing in their own universe of kink. I am also an aggressive researcher, which has led me to some intriguing information on the web. Currently I have two resources that I return to on a regular basis:

Girly Juice by Kate Sloan

I recently mentioned Kate Sloan in a post entitled, Where My Head’s At: The Quean’s Playlist & Media. I have been a subscriber to her blog for just over a year, and am never disappointed by her content. Between her sex toy reviews, hypno-kink and Daddy Dom/little girl dynamic, she provides an assortment of naughty suggestions for any kinky appetite.

Kink Academy

As a sex educator and coach, continuous education is a requirement. When I stumbled upon Kink Academy, I felt I had hit gold. Not only does it provide a list of nearly every kink you can think of – or perhaps couldn’t even imagine – it’s a training platform. What this means is, you can search a particular kink AND watch videos on how to properly (and safely) execute the scene or play session specific to that kink.
Not all content is free; however, the annual fee is reasonable and well worth the information made available to you.

Bibliophile & Information Junkie

I consume as many books as my schedule (and wallet) will allow. I have wishlists on Goodreads, and Amazon; I am subscribed to medical journals, blogs and podcasts – some in which I’ve also mentioned in previous posts. The best, however, is to find a few resources that you connect with, and stick with them until they no longer serve you.

Q2: What is your favourite BDSM toy/item?

I love collars. For me it is the epitomization of the D/s dynamic. When I wear the collar, I become someone else and someone else’s. The collar I wear determines the persona I embody. For example, the red and black collar that Master J bought me for my birthday last year belongs to my inner brat/whore. Once that collar goes on, she comes out, and Master J carries on the scene in response to her temper or imprudence.
Aslan Leather’s Luxe Sub Surrender Kit is on my Wishlist. I imagine putting on this elegant, snow white collar would release the innocent one – the little girl, the student, the unsuspecting...

Ima Quean

Q1: Why do you think you’re a cuckquean?

Well, that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?

I guess I’ve always been someone who likes intense feelings. I believe in the importance of missing your partner in order to keep the longing. I guess seeing Master J with another woman evokes the deepest kind of longing, because with it comes jealousy and the need to bond – to reclaim my rightful place as his submissive, his woman, his wife. I, unlike many others, enjoy the eruption of quiet desperation. For me, it’s thrilling. I’ve always sought that kind of rush, only it came in different forms before Master J entered my life. This is just the unique charge our relationship happened to give me.

Q2: What type of women would you bring to bed with you?

Simple. Ones that we connect with, and whose desires are compatible with ours. A woman who isn’t afraid to communicate her needs, and who feels mutually comfortable with us.

Q3: Do your limits apply to the woman Master J has sex with?

No. If Master J and I find a woman who is interested in being the cuckcake for us, I do not apply my boundaries onto her. Whatever her limits are, that’s what Master J will follow – even if they don’t include things I’m uncomfortable having done to me. For example, Master J waits for my signal before inflicting pain on me. Too much pain too early in a scene can cause a subdrop for me. In other words, if I receive pain before I’m ready, I get severely emotional. Now, if we bring a woman into the bedroom with us, and say, she requires pain from the start, of course Master J would abide by that.

Q4: Is being a cuckquean a form of submission?

This one sounds so familiar to me, and I may have partially answered it in previous posts, but for the sake of this article (and newcomers) I’ll say this: it’s completely dependent on the cuckquean’s personal definition of what is to be, well, a cuckquean. For example, Cuckquean Café does not view herself, or her sexuality, as submissive. For me, I intertwine cuckqueaning with my submissive nature; however, that doesn’t apply to all cuck relationships.

Men’s Health

Q1: Does size matter?

We’re talking about penises here, if it wasn’t obvious.

The truth is, some people enjoy deep penetration; however, there are ways to fulfill this need without possessing a weapon. Strap-ons and extensions (sleeves) are common ways to add some length to one’s member. But before you go investing in any of that, take some advice from my friend Button Dick Brian. He spent the beginning of his life insecure over the size of his goods. Eventually he understood that it wasn’t something he could change about himself, and rather than sinking deeper into self-loathing, he started adding other skills to his repertoire. Now he is honest with new partners about the size of his member because he knows he’s mastered the art of oral and manual stimulation (to say the least!).

It’s also critical to keep in mind that only 25% of people who have vulvas orgasm through penetration alone. The majority of them require clitoral stimulation of some kind in order to climax. So, what matters more than size? Your enthusiasm about pleasing your partner, your willingness to learn what they enjoy and applying that knowledge to your practice.

Thank you to all of my Collar Club Members and followers who trusted me enough to submit these questions. Keep ‘em coming!

Until next time,

Fuck-well, friends!
Posted In