I’ve never felt humidity like June in NYC. Climbing four flights of stairs to reach an apartment with no A/C seemed like a fate worse than hell – or at least, equivalent. Funny how it ended up being the second hottest memory from our time there…
Master J and I spent most of our days in doors, planning our route, avoiding the intense scolding that greeted us every time we walked out the front door. Between the traffic, prices and temperature, it’s safe to say we will never be residing in the big apple (in fact, we’ve settled for some Georgia peaches).
During one of our more restless evenings, we treated ourselves to our first TNG Event. Although it was nothing like we expected, and we walked out more sexually tense than we did entering, we met, Sasha: a beautiful, Long Island Jew with a contagious laugh and glowing energy. I’d learn later, after hanging out in a more social (non-erotic) setting that her intentions had been set. She thought J and I were “the most beautiful people at the event,” and felt destined to be our friend.
In hindsight, I agree with her.
Our first evening together included a stand-up comedy show, whereby Master J and Sasha gave a brief and wonderful performance. Sasha was accompanied by her friend, Amy, who was just as chill and easy to adore! The four of us went out for drinks and Mexican food, letting the buzz and nightfall whisk us off into a blooming friendship.
When parting ways for subway trains and pull-out couches, we promised to see each other again. Within days, we’d all stuck to our commitment, only Amy wasn’t able to join. Master J and I would learn later that this was no accident. Sasha wanted us to herself, to determine if the electricity she felt was true and requited.
After a long evening of exploring parts of the city I don’t recall, sex shop wandering, and drinking the worst red wine of all time…we were there, sitting together around a small wooden table in the corner of a dark bar, when she asked, “can I kiss you?” It wasn’t directed at one of us, but both. Sensing my timidity, Master J leaned in and gave her what she’d been desiring for days, deepening the connection, and amplifying the current between us. Then…it was my turn. Her mouth was warm, and we kissed slow for a few moments before she burst into giggles from me nearly knocking her glasses off her face.
It had begun…
The door was unlocked, the flood gates opened, our truths spilling out in gallons. We shared experiences, fantasies, limits, laughter. She was a true submissive in the bedroom, wanting to be taken to new places. She was thrilled by my cuckquean dream, and said that should I ever be interested in fulfilling it, she’d make an obedient cuckcake. I was thrilled and terrified. She could sense my refrain, and followed it up by saying there was no pressure, and unless I was feeling enthusiastically consensual, she wouldn’t want to pursue.
Her freedom to communicate and her comforting words made it easy to open myself a little more to her. “Enthusiastic consent” became a common word between the three of us, mostly played in my direction, as I was the deciding factor in this new trinity. It was exciting, but nerve racking. I’d seen Master J with women before, but never like this…
Never with a woman willing to submit fully to my husband, as I sit and watch – no contact, just observation.
Everything that I’d believed up to that point about my sexuality was suddenly put under the microscope. I could feel my desires being absorbed by these deep, penetrating fear of, what ifs!? We’d leave that evening and, like a trillion times before, I’d avoid seeing her in an effort to 1) sabotage the opportunity, 2) deny my sexual desires, and 3) circumvent any decision making.
My defence was up, and I had no rational rhyme or reason for it.
Deep down I understood the only way to overcome this gnawing anxiety was to face it – do the opposite of what it was telling me…So, we made plans to see her again. And…it was lovely!!
All of my doubts fell to the floor. Master J said, “I told you so,” like ten thousand times between sips of beer and perma-grinning. Sasha had no idea that my mind went in dark places – I don’t believe I ever told her. If I’ve learned anything about myself over the years, it’s that I tend to take several steps back before making the leap…that’s been pretty evident in all my life choices, sex being no exception.
Anticipation is my worst enemy. It tends to cloud my judgement, and risk the chance of missing out. It’s a time of avoidance, and mild hibernation.
But this round, I took victory over the false forecast I’d played out in my mind.
Because I was in control, and was reminded of that every moment the three of us were together, my confidence grew. The authenticity of my feelings became apparent again. So did my attraction to her, and the surrealism surrounding the fact that: We. Found. Her.
So, after several days of fighting with my own truth, and only hours spent with her and the love of my life, the enthusiastic “yes” came barreling out of me, in such aggressive exhilaration, I knew it was time Master J tie me up, and bring the room to life right there, in front of me…
So, want to hear what happened next? Stay tuned!
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends!