A Husband’s Theory: Why Men Leave Women Like My Wife

Black and white image of a womxn. Hxr face is shadowed, but hxr large brown eyes stare into the camera. Shx holds hxr face, revealing an arm of tattoos. The picture is somber and mysterious.
Photo by Kei Scampa on Pexels.com

Part of the Real As Fuck Collection.


I met my wife when I was 30 years old. She was 23. Very quickly we shared our sexual history, unabashedly asking each other about past partners and relationships. I was curious about the number of experiences she had, and the quality of those experiences. I was the 11th man in her life.

To be blunt, I was shocked. Not because she had slept with 10 men, but how those 10 men had the chance to be with her but didn’t. I assumed she broke most hearts; that she terminated the majority of her relationships – romantic or not. Turns out, I was wrong. She was rarely the one doing the leaving.

Obviously, this surprised me (still does)! Yes, I am biased, as I love her and believe she is the most incredible woman on earth. But despite those biases, I have a theory as to why men don’t stick around for someone like my wife; to get there, we must first review who my wife is…

The Outside

First, if you’ve ever seen her face, even once, you get it. She is really pretty. Most would call this beauty “conventional.” From family members and friends (male and female) to complete strangers, the common consensus is how gorgeous my wife is. I understand that beauty alone can’t sustain a relationship; however, it’s an element that makes this theory more plausible.

Second, she has a tall and slim, although shapely silhouette, accompanied by large breasts. She looks strong and has big brown eyes that contrast with her long, walnut hair. When she dresses up for our date nights (pre-Covid, of course) people notice her. Men and women turn their heads when she enters the room, because her physicality and charisma are impossible to ignore.

The Inside

If you asked me to describe my wife in one word, it would be “fair.” You won’t find someone who can analyze a situation with more impartiality and honesty. She has this ability of pointing out what is right, wrong, or neither, in any given situation, and in just a few words. She does it so clearly and thoughtfully, it’s difficult to deny her.  She has no mean bone in her body and will always stand up for the rights of others.

What makes this even crazier is she is smart. Like truly smart. She is cultured and curious. She writes about sex, as you’ve seen, but is also a self-published author of fiction. She has life experiences that have gifted her with a wisdom that people are drawn to. This wisdom also allows her to live in a way that makes her happy, regardless of how unconventional it is. She doesn’t care about what is expected of her by others or society.

The Breakups

Knowing all of this, how could she have possibly been single when I met her? More importantly, why did men leave her?

I get it. This entire article sounds like an ode to my wife, but the truth is I know far too many women that have experienced this and can’t understand it. I won’t apologize for the theory that follows, because these women deserve an answer.

So, why did men leave my incredible wife?

They were scared.  

The Conventionally Pretty Woman

When a woman is stunning, it means two things.

One: Everywhere she goes, people notice her. Which means they also notice you.

When someone is conventionally beautiful – regardless of sex or gender – the partner is now under a critical lens, especially if they aren’t as conventionally attractive. People are curious, and in our society, beauty is rewarded. Look at the amount of people who’ve made careers based on their looks! Maybe it’s unfair and a little sad, but it is undoubtedly true. Conventional beauty is noticed, and as a partner of someone who is conventionally beautiful, you must feel good in your own shoes in order to accept them.

Two: She is a target for other attention. I’m speaking from experience. If Quean Mo and I go out, and we don’t make it obvious we’re together, men (and women) approach her. Sometimes, even if they know we’re together, they can’t help themselves. Being with a woman like Quean Mo means facing your own level of confidence, and ability to trust. If you’re a jealous man, you’re done. You won’t make it with her on your arm because your ego will feel attacked.

To sum it up: the conventionally beautiful woman usually gets the pick of the crop. For that reason, you need to have the capacity to trust and feel comfortable enough in your own skin, so it doesn’t backfire in unhealthy ways. Quean Mo has had ex-boyfriends who refused to take her to parties with them because they felt inferior next to her. They admitted this. She’s also been a victim to highly possessive boyfriends, because that’s the only way they knew how to cope with their own insecurities. In the end, it was too much, and they had to let her go.

The Intelligent Woman

The cliché! A man cannot stand a woman who is smarter than him. Unfortunately, they exist.  This also comes into play regarding salary. The number of times I’ve heard men say they wouldn’t be comfortable making at least the same amount of money as their girlfriend/wife is sickening. Intelligence and finance can create major complexes in relationships, and Quean Mo is not exempt from this.

Men don’t want to be the person their friends make fun of because his partner is smarter or wealthier than him…

To those guys I say get over yourself. You are a victim to your own ego, and you’re letting details get in the way of something potentially wonderful! Plus, it’s 2021 – stop the bullshit.

The “Needy” Woman

I’m sure we’ve all heard some guy somewhere call a woman “needy.” Some synonyms include clinger, overbearing, nuts, crazy, insane. You know, those incredibly descriptive words that women have been bearing for far too long.

So, you’re a guy. You want to fuck then fall asleep peacefully, but she wants to cuddle you, and you can’t stand it…?  Sharing something intimate with a person, followed by orgasm and then the expectation they’ll leave you alone is unrealistic. Plus, “neediness” isn’t necessarily about you specifically but about the moment you just shared. We all have varying needs. So why is the need for affection rejectable? Shouldn’t it be the opposite? The lack of affection should be rejectable.

I’m not going to lie, I have been this guy before. Post-sex affection wasn’t on my radar. I’ve had women slams doors behind them in anger because of it. Yes, I’ve made mistakes, too. Causing a person to feel less human because of their needs is selfish.

I cringe when Quean Mo shares stories of men who have used her body, only to make her feel like her affection is “too much.” That is the epitome of sexualization, and it’s sad to think that there are men who can dismiss someone so easily once their desires have been fulfilled. Mo has been one of those women. Her love language is physical touch, both in and outside of the bedroom, and for years she was made to feel like it was only acceptable in a sexual context. The second she reached for more, the guy fled.

The Horny Woman

Couldn’t leave this one out. Oh, how scary it is to find a woman who truly loves sex!

I’m telling you, nothing freaks a guy out more than a partner who is sexually freer than they could ever be. I mean, it scares men so much they found a way to control it – by degrading women through language: sluts, whores, bitches, cunts.

We are not strangers to the narrative that a man can have as many partners as he wants, and he’ll have the reputation of a charmer, player, ladies’ man. So, being in a relationship with a woman that wants sex, breathes sex, and looks to explore her own sexual limits… That’s some scary shit!

So, men can’t take it. And if they can’t control it, they leave.

Another example from Mo’s real life was a man who she actually did break up with. He found out she had sexual relations with someone after she called it off, so he began harassing and verbally assaulting her. He used words like, “the town bicycle,” and worse. She would wake up to long messages from him, vulgarly defining her as worthless…

The Combination

Imagine then, the impact a woman has on these men when she’s a combination of some or all of the elements. That’s my wife. She is beautiful inside and out, intelligent and driven, financially independent, affectionate, and highly sexual.

She is a threat to men’s self-esteem. That is, to feeble egos. So, men left her. And they parted with colourful words of farewell: Goodbye you crazy, needy, slut.

Because in the end, it is never a man’s fault, right?

Until next time, my friends,

Fuck well and celebrate women for all they are.

Because, let’s face it, they don’t need us!

J.

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