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If you could ask your partner’s ex one thing, what would it be?
This question erupted from a concept my husband had for a book. The plot is simple: a man is trapped in a bunker with 10 of his exes. Since its invention, James and I have found ourselves returning to this idea often, exploring, cringing and laughing over potential outcomes. It kept us curious; we even began inquiring about our own pasts: what would our exes say about us? Is it something we’d even want to know?
Considering my intrigue on all things primal, and my cuckquean nature, seeing my husband from an ex’s perspective started cementing itself onto my list of things to pursue. Which brings us to the now…
I am interviewing my husband’s exes. Of course, he consented to these conversations. This area of life can hold a lot of baggage and vulnerability most people aren’t comfortable revisiting. Luckily for me, James has been honest about his past since day one. Additionally, he is confident in his experiences, and doesn’t function from a place of ego, meaning, my series of questioning isn’t just to highlight the positive experiences.
My Approach
James and I understood that starting a series like this would require a delicate approach. Deciding who to contact was determined by two factors. First, we focused on the type of relationship James had with the individual. These were the three recurring trends:
- His most original encounters
- His favorite encounters
- His most important encounters (the ones that helped shape his sexuality, and build confidence)
Secondly, we explored the state of the relationships at present. We would not contact women who removed James from social media, or made it clear they wanted to cut ties. Respecting boundaries is our number one priority in any given situation, so this was no exception. From there, we refined the list, and began our outreach.
Although interviews have commenced, we are still in the beginning stages, and will continue to reach out as this series takes off. James will be the first contact since most of these people don’t know me from atom. In a short message or email, he explains the project. Without going into excessive detail, he explains the premise and then asks if they’d like to learn more about it. If so, he connects them to me, and I answer questions and fill in the blanks.
From the very top, these women understand I am James’ wife. Transparency is crucial. For some this is bizarre, but in the end the majority of our contacts have given an enthusiastic yes in participating. Those who declined, did so for personal reasons unrelated to James.
Why I’m Doing This
At first the idea felt incredibly exciting, entertaining, and just straight up original! But as I let it sink in, and the process started, I was forced to confront my own insecurities around sexuality, myself, and even unwind some of my internalized misogyny, which includes my conditioning of:
- Viewing other women as threats or competition
- Comparing myself physically and sexually to other women
As this came up for me, I was pro-active and made an abrupt change in my automatic thinking and attitude. I began appreciating these women on a deep level. They shared some unique and positive experiences with the man I love, which ultimately made him a better person, lover, and partner. Putting a face, a smile, a human being to the memories my husband had offered from his POV, gave clarity to the bond we all shared. I felt I was suddenly a part of a secret sorority birthed from a single commonality: James. Getting to know other women in a way most people would dread, deepened the relationship to my own womanhood. It reinforced a sense of universal connection and eliminated some of my own oppressive thoughts.
What to Expect
You can expect honest, written recordings of these women’s words and experiences with my husband on a monthly basis. A new article in this series will drop the last week of every month.
After each interview, I take time and care in crafting an article that reflects that conversation. Before it’s given over to you, my beloved readers, each interviewee authorizes the content.
For the most part, you will find out how each woman met James, their first impression of him, how their relationship developed, and, of course, when they took it to the next level. Who they are (names will be changed), and where they were in there life at that moment, are also explored in these talks.
I will provide a commentary expressing how I felt during each conversation. Because some of these experiences took place during our relationship – you will find that I am present in some of the recollections. This offers a unique retelling of one experience from two viewpoints – the interviewee and your Quean.
As this series moves forward, having your participation, reader, would take it to another level. If you could ask my partner’s ex one thing, what would it be?
Comment below or shoot me a DM to have your question inserted in the interview!
Until then,
Fuck well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
P.S. A Quick Note from James
When my wife told me she decided to start this series, I was conflicted. One part of me thought it was great, she dared to do something unheard of, something brave and truly original. The other part was a little scared. I would have to reconnect with women I haven’t talked with for years. Even if I remember things being left on good terms, what if I was wrong…?
Like Quean Mo explained, we’re not only looking to speak to past lovers with whom I stayed friends with. You can imagine, for this reason, the process is pretty intimidating. I am ready, however, and I hope those who consented to the project will be truly honest. After all, that’s the point of this series: have a group of women share their stories about the same man, without hesitation!
When my wife told me she decided to start this series, I was conflicted. One part of me thought it was great, she dared to do something unheard of (at least for me) something brave and truly original. The other part was (a little) scared. I had to reconnect with women I haven’t had a conversation with for years and even if, on my side, we left more or less on good terms, what if… Like Quean Mo explained, we’re not looking to speak with only exes that stayed friends after our relationship/sexual intercourses… and hearing what they truly thought of me and how they see what happened between each other is also pretty intimidating.
But I’m ready and I hope the one who will accept to be interviewed will be truly honest. After all, it is the whole point of this series: have a group of women that tell their stories about the same man, without shyness, judgment or restriction!
To keep Call of the Quean ad-free, we rely on the generosity of our readers. If you enjoy our content, and would like to contribute, please donate here. We are happy you’re on this journey with us, and look forward to sharing more soon! <3
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