I’ll never forget when James shared his reaction to 50 Shades of Grey. Along with the franchise depicting BDSM in an ominous light, it became so mainstream that fetish and kink didn’t seem exceptional anymore. Let me explain…
James has a sixth sense about other people’s sexualities. Specifically, how sub or Dom someone is. When 50 Shades of Grey took over the scene, he found it more difficult to navigate his natural gift because everyone and their mother were suddenly BDSM practitioners!
People were dying to meet their Mr. Grey or Anastasia Steele… Or so they thought.
50 Shades of Grey linked fetishism to luxury in a way the world hadn’t really seen before, and so it became this new thing people wanted. The problem is, having a fetish – being kinky by nature – doesn’t just appear and disappear one day. Don’t get me wrong, you can expand your knowledge and all, but for someone like James who had struggled during his late-teens (and into early-adulthood) to accept the fetishist within him, he was reasonably frustrated when the publication of a book – and the production of a film – turned that very real struggle into an overnight sex fad.
Fetishism and kink are so nuanced and individual, it requires more care than the words and actions of a deeply troubled character. I do believe that the world is still riding a bit of the 50 Shades of Grey wave, and although it opened the conversation about BDSM and kink, it didn’t quite do it justice…
History of World Fetish Day
January 21st marked International Fetish Day (aka World Fetish Day), which celebrates all kink practitioners and people with unconventional desires! This day came from the reaction of the BDSM Community fighting back against laws that would restrict certain consensual activities even in private spaces.
Crazy!
For those who want to learn more about the history of World Fetish Day – and because I’m no historian – I recommend Hot Octopuss’ article on just that: Everything You Need To Know About International Fetish Day.
Kinky At Heart
As a fetishist myself, – and having a husband who is even more fused with his fetishes than I – this day holds deep meaning to me. Since celebrating Fetish Day encourages real conversations on the topic, I’ve decided to celebrate it weekly rather than annually.
Every Friday I will share something kinky on my social media. Every week I will hold an Instagram Story Q&A, whereby you can ask me anything and I will share my responses. Also, I will throw a Fetish Twitter Party the last Friday of every month – starting tomorrow @ 11pm CET @COTQOfficial, #FetQueans2022!
As a sex writer, you can imagine there are a zillion topics to be covered. However, Call of the Quean was born from my cuckquean fetish, which has since bloomed into something more extraordinary.
As per my reintroduction, I’ve learned that being a cuckquean is only a portion of my sexuality, but the rest is just as kinky. For instance, I have a mask fetish (specifically skulls); I am a role play fanatic; I am often turned on by costumes, shoes, and bodies covered in tattoos; I would fuck monsters; luxury is a potent aphrodisiac; don’t forget black on black on black…
Over the years, James and I have collected some incredible gear, practices, and stories, and I can’t wait to share them with you! But for now, let’s explore some fetish facts…
10 Top Fetishes
This isn’t a list that I pulled off any official site. This list is based on my own experiences through blogging, coaching, and speaking with people in adult spaces. In other words, the list you are about to read is based on my own interactions, and the recurring interests I recognized in clients, friends, and acquaintances since the beginning of this journey in 2018:
- BDSM: Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadomasochism
- Foot Fetishism: The sexual interest in feet, toes, ankles, foot treatment (i.e., foot massage), and/or foot garments (i.e., socks, shoes, etc.)
- Cuckqueaning / Cuckolding: The sexual interest in seeing or hearing about your partner’s sexual experiences with others
- Garment Fetishism: The sexual interest or fixation on a type of clothing
- Teratophilia: The sexual attraction to monsters
- Cross Dressing: The act of wearing the clothes that are traditionally of the opposite sex. This is not inherently sexual in nature.
- Cum or Semen Fetish: Being turned on by the sight of cum, seeing someone cum, being covered in cum, or other activities that include the use of cum.
- Medical Fetishism: The sexual interest in a medical (or clinical) scene or scenario which may include role play, specific medical devices or objects, practices, environments, etc.
- Voyeurism: The sexual interest in watching others while nude or participating in sexual activity
- Exhibitionism: The sexual interest in being watched by others while nude or participating in sexual activity
Fetish Staples and Fantasies
Some staple kink items are:
- Blindfold
- A collar and leash
- Handcuffs
- Whip, paddle, or cane
- Rope
- Masks
- Costumes
- Ball gag
- Nipple clamps
- Body harnesses
For an in-depth look at some of these items, check out my article, Keeping it Kinky on the Road.
As per my blog post on Rebel Love, Four Misunderstood Sexual Fantasies, some stigmatized sexual fantasies include:
- Exhibitionism (would also include voyeurism here)
- Foot Fetishism
- Domination and Submission
- Forced Sex Play
As with any form of physical contact, enthusiastic consent is of topmost priority when entering a person’s space. The misunderstanding occurs because some of these fetishes seemed to originate as perversions, marking the practitioner as a creep at best and a criminal at worst. Here is the difference between the two:
Healthy fetishism does not circumvent consent (that is a crime!). Fetish (or kink) does not imply mental illness or derangement, in fact, studies show that kink practitioners correlate with better mental health!
Why?
Because the practice of kink requires open dialogue and understanding of all participants to ensure the safety (both physical and mental) of all involved.
According to the article, How Kink Can Be Used to Help Your Mental Health, by The Body, “Working through a past trauma can be a happy byproduct of one’s BDSM practice.” For example, “BDSM can allow trauma survivors, and sexual assault survivors specifically, to regain some of that control that was robbed from them.”
Fun Fetish Quizzes and Fet Sites
Not sure how kinky you are? Explore some of the links below – Be warned, these are NSFW!
- Ever wondered what kind of Fetishist you are? Find out at What is Your Fav Fetish!
- Have you been seeking a Fetish Community of your own? Head over to Fet Life and create an account today – it’s free! (P.S. If you have sensitivities to pornographic images or videos, I do not recommend this site.)
- Every wondered what kind of kinkster you are? Start Your Kink Test on Kinktest Now! (can be done anonymously!)
Kinky Reminders
You don’t have to be kinky to be sex positive. Being aware and accepting of diverse sexual preferences doesn’t require any kink test!
As someone who is kinky af, I appreciate the time you took to read this article and getting to know me. If you want to chat or learn more, remember to join the Fetish Twitter Party tonight at 11:00pm CET @COTQOfficial, #FetQueans2022!
Until then,
Stay kinky!
Quean Mo xx
P.S. So, tell me, what is your most exciting kink? Comment below or contact me here.
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