When I was a novice sexy traveller, I was terrified. I thought,
- Regular law wasn’t upheld in adult spaces
- My “no” would be trivial – not taken seriously
- There’d be pressure to engage in sex with others
- That these places were either filled with amazon goddesses and/or creeps
We all have concerns and that’s okay. But, as someone with a mission to normalise pleasure, and help you tap into your inner quean, I want to walk through these insecurities together.
Your Word is Law
Sexy travel requires due diligence. Conducting research is the first step to ensuring you have a positive experience. For example, James and I have very high standards when it comes to cleanliness and sanitation, nor do we enjoy events where single men are permitted. Clubs generally have schedules posted on their website, some offer tours for first timers, and even have online communities you can join to get a feel for the clientele. To enter this world with confidence and comfort, know what you want and then find a club that complements those desires!
NOTE: When selecting your sexy travel destination, understand local laws, the approach to sex work and the prevention of human trafficking. For more information on this, read: Sexy Travel – Ethical Sex Tourism: What It Is and Why We Do It (resources included).
In the beginning I felt like a gazelle trotting into a lion’s den. I thought my “no” was trivial, and I’d be labelled a tease for being present without opening myself to social interactions or sexual propositions.
Can you guess what I learned?
Interactions and sex are optional and your word is law.
You must understand that the success of these spaces relies entirely on the care and comfort of its clientele. Not only do clubs have very strict rules and guidelines, but they have consequences for those who step outside those lines.
Some clubs have opened exclusively to groups that may feel more vulnerable in mixed spaces. For example, in London, the Skirt Club is for straight and bi-womxn to express themselves sexually or pursue friendships, without the presence of the “male gaze.” More niche clubs, such as this, are popping up around the world to give everyone a chance to discover their desires and find their community.
If you are unsure where to start, find a niche club, and test the waters.
Sexy travel isn’t just about the sex, despite its classification.
Despite my cuckquean reputation, our sexy travel has little to do with that. Certain spaces produce an ambiance unlike anywhere else; these clubs are alive with sensuality, luxury, and respect. The decor glitters and sways. James and I go, first and foremost, for that spirit. That feeling. Those vibes.
When I’m sitting at a bar, being served by people in leather and lace, with music and longing pulsing in the air, I feel free. Knowing, at any second, we could disappear behind a curtain and indulge in animalistic delight, brings me to life.
Maybe it’s time to find a space that enlivens you.
Gods and Pervs
Early in our relationship, James and I went to our usual spot, the Oasis Aqua Lounge. I was growing more comfortable with myself and these places, excited to see what that evening had in store. Two hours in, just when I was beginning to feel settled, a beautiful woman, with enormous, supple breasts, a gorgeous smile, and toned figure, sauntered out of the pool. I was inundated by every insecurity that I’d ever had about my own body, so I asked James to leave with me.
We are all a source of someone else’s self-doubt. If you experience this, know that it is okay. Honour whatever feelings you have in that moment, even if it means leaving, as I did. When I got home that evening, James and I did the work. I reminded myself that even if I didn’t look like that woman, I am beautiful and had just as much of a right to be there. I confronted my insecurities and worked on them so I could return with self-confidence and appreciation for others. I went as far as getting a therapist so I could learn to feel good in my own skin, without the presence of others influencing that. In the end, that woman offered me a gift. Without feeling “threatened” by her, I may not have confronted my own self-limiting beliefs.
The adult spaces we frequent are judgement-free zones.
The people that I have met care more about the vibe you bring than the look you have.
I have yet to visit a club where the clientele wholly resembles the cast of Wonder Woman, nor have I ever felt I was on the set of The Hills Have Eyes.
Sexy travellers are diverse. We come in every shape, size, colour and age. The true beauty of this world is how inclusive it is. Yes, you will see some giant goddesses, but also petite cuties, curvy candies, large lovelies, and old splendours…
All I’m trying to say is, these spaces welcome every body, and you aren’t the only one wondering whether you belong. The fact that you want to be there in the first place is proof that you do.
We are your people.
A Compass Called Pleasure
Call of the Quean was born from a need to feel more, and find peace in who I am.
Writing about my own life and thoughts is a very intimate thing, and yet it serves a greater purpose. I do not believe that what you desire is an accident. I believe that pleasure is a birthright. Sexy travel is a mission to pursue desire ethically and together, in support of one another.
Yes, we all have worries and insecurities. The fear of not belonging is ancestral. The worry about how you look or how you compare to others, especially in sexual atmospheres, is rooted in conditioning. If you take anything from this today, let it be that you are in control. You have the resources at your fingertips.
Do the research, be proud of the ethically provocative god(dess) you are, and let pleasure be your compass.
Until next time,
Fuck well, friends!