Note: I am not in partnership with Club Absolu and receive no compensation for this post – all thoughts and experiences are my own.
There’s something special about the south of France. Even in the winter months, there’s a feeling of warmth and enchantment. I have been living here since September 2020, and the libertine spirit does not cower.
No, they aren’t hidden away in remote areas or camouflaged between highway and industrial buildings. Rather, they have tall welcoming gates, lavish aesthetics, and premium properties that scream “we’re here, so you might as well come in!”
France is known for many things, one being its love for pleasure. From gourmet meals and wines to fashion and art – it is renowned for its taste, beauty, and class.
After spending a weekend discovering the top libertine club in all of France, I must say, like the country itself, it too lives up to its reputation.
If what you seek is dark rooms, neon lights, and fellow pleasure hunters, the transition from this fête du luxe to a relaxing oasis will blow your mind! Here’s to another delightful sexy trip: Club Absolu and Spa, an unforgettable VIP weekend.
Club Absolu’s VIP package is one of a kind.
I have yet to see such a hedonistic establishment like Club Absolu. Their three separate locations offer a place to sleep, a place to party, and a place to relax. They’re only a short drive from one another, and play is welcome in each.
When James and I discovered this, it was a no-brainer: we had to sexy travel the fuck out of this experience!
Club Absolu’s VIP package (300€):
❤ Night at the adult-only Abso Hotel
❤ Breakfast the following morning
❤ 1-time entry to Club Absolu + 1 free drink per person
❤ 8:30pm apero at Club Absolu
❤ 9:30pm dinner and wine at Club Absolu
❤ A bottle of champagne and a lap dance (upon request)
❤ 1-time entry to the Abso Spa + 1 free drink per person
The Abso Hotel
James and I have grown accustomed to discreet pleasure venues and were surprised by the location of the Abso Hotel. It is set beside a busy street, just outside the center of Mougins – a gorgeous city located on the heights of Cannes, in the district of Grasse.
The property of the hotel is large, possessing a medium-sized parking lot, a pool and two buildings:
- The reception and lounge at the forefront, and
- The villas behind!
Surrounding the property were high fences, and vegetation creating privacy for the guests.
Taking a small tour around the property and to the pool, James and I forgot we were next to a busy street. Abso Hotel reminded me of a quaint, exclusive resort, with hospitable staff, smiling and happy to serve.
Our room had a queen bed, a mini fridge, a chair, large closet, and a massive window overlooking the pool area. It was brightly painted, and clean. The bathroom was sexy modern, with a window that opened inward, facing the shower. I thought this was clever, as exhibitionists and daring individuals could get off on being spotted by passersby.
Although it was a standard room, it was spacious.
As mentioned, reception is in a separate building. This is where breakfast is served in the morning, and the bar is open at night. Like our room, it was crisp and clean, only it was decorated with grand photos of Hollywood icons, giving a classic feel.
James and I aimed to be at the club for 8:30pm, which is when the apero starts. We hired a car to take us to and from the hotel/club, which cost 35€ total. Our chauffeur was knowledgeable about Absolu. Even if he didn’t work exclusively for them, he was tres cordial.
Upon arrival, our chauffeur was greeted by a security guard and asked to roll down his window. Once our chauffeur gave our names, the guard permitted us to pass through retractable gates. Our chauffeur then halted in front of a long black awning, hopped out, and opened my door.
As I stood there, I took in the view – the awning looked like a throat, with its long, tiled tongue guiding us into the belly of Club Absolu.
With the presence of another four security guards, I felt safe. These guys are serious about their clientele.
I watched as other couples stepped from polished, black vehicles; men in dress shirts, women in long peacoats, hiding scandalous attire they’d show off on the inside.
I was on my way to a kink ball – everything, extravagant.
The apero was in the belly of the club. A split stage with dance poles, protruding from dark, sleek surfaces, sat in the centre-most area, with lounge furniture bordering it. The clever setup was done so, no matter where you sit, you can see the stage.
Behind the furthest wall, a discreet staircase ascends into the play area. But, if you’re patient and follow that wall further, you pass through a vacant frame in the wall, and find a long bar, with sassy mixologists eager to prep your first, free cocktail.
The whole setup of the evening is to help people relax. The apero time is to get comfortable, maybe even mingle. But don’t worry, if you don’t take the chance to catch eyes or exchange words, you’ll have no choice come dinner time…
In a long, wide hall-style dining room, embellished with red and black decor, round tables are placed strategically. As you enter for dinner around 9:30pm, you are greeted by none other than the owner himself! He is aware of who you’ve come with, and whether it’s your first time. Since James and I came alone – as many people come in groups – he sat us at a table with other newcomers.
Of course, James being the social butterfly that he is, broke the ice immediately by making a joke and serving everybody wine.
Dinner is a set menu, which changes every week. They have an option to substitute for vegetarian or remove certain ingredients should you have an allergy.
Although I found the menu quite satisfying, French people are generally harder to please. Regardless of my time spent in France, my palette isn’t quite as developed as theirs, you see.
James and others mentioned they were not that impressed by the menu, but also acknowledged its increasing quality. You must understand that if French people spend money dining, they want an experience, and food they can’t make at home.
❤ Entrée: Green salad with prosciutto in a balsamic vinaigrette
❤ Main: Seafood risotto avec crevette
❤ Dessert: Tarte aux fraises et à la crème
What was lacking in creativity, was made up for in service. The wine was unlimited, as were the waiters’ smiles!
I have never seen a dining room clear so quickly.
Once dinner concluded, people were on the dance floor. One of the most impressive parts of the evening was the presence of the owner – he was DJing! And boy did he have fun! We were there the night of the Ms. Abso competition – perhaps he didn’t want to miss that.
You have to imagine Club Absolu as a very sexy boite du nuit. Other than the scantily clad clientele, or the occasional nudity, the club area was really just that – a club!
The clientele was probably the most diverse I’ve seen in terms of age, and the least diverse in terms of colour. For example, we were partying next to a group of twenty-year-olds, as a seventy-plus couple danced their butts off nearby!
There were as many men as women – which makes sense, as we chose a couples/single women night.
The clientele, from my perspective, were respectful of each other’s space, minus one man who tried to kiss James out of nowhere.
Overall, the club was a luxurious, titillating exhibit of eclectic hedonists. I loved every fucking second of it. Plus, we met another couple – a fellow cuckquean – and I can’t wait to share that with you (another time)…
Club’s Play Areas
The part you’ve been waiting for?
I’m afraid to disappoint, but James and I spent exactly 2 minutes in the play area, and here is why:
❤ It was long and narrow, and overcrowded for our taste
❤ I do not do well in tight spaces with lots of people
❤ The rooms that looked more private – as I did not have a clear view – were taken, and I was not interested in playing in a communal space
Although we did not benefit from the play area, I still recommend it for people who are more comfortable in communal spaces, and/or want to play with or near others. Keep in mind we were there on a particularly busy soirée, so I can’t guarantee this is the norm for the club.
Leaving Club Absolu
I wouldn’t normally include this piece, but because it was such a specific system, it felt necessary.
When you enter, you leave your belongings at the coat check, and receive a card which you cannot lose! This card is basically your ticket out the door at the end of the night. It’s where they record everything you ordered, and what you owe them. Once this is settled and you’re paid up, you will receive a token to exit the venue.
Trust me when I say, there is no leaving without this token. We were not aware of this protocol, and the hostess forgot to give us one. We were greeted by – no jokes, no exaggerations – a 7’5” scowling man, whose stare said, “try to leave without the token, I dare you!”
He realised what had happened, and the hostess apologised; but it was another reassurance of just how badass this club is!
It must be said that having a relaxing space to unwind after such a wild evening, is bliss!
This was our second time at the Abso Spa, and it won’t be our last. In the summer months, they have outdoor pool parties, feeling like an X-rated spring break! During the winter months, however, the pool and outdoor patio are closed.
When you visit the spa, you must push a buzzer outside and wait to be let in. Upon entry, you are greeted by a hostess who gives you a wristband. This wristband, similar to the card at Club Abso, keeps track of all purchases. It’s also the key to the spa room – without it, you cannot enter.
The hostess will provide a towel and flip-flops, which you are not obliged to wear if you’ve come in an outfit you want to keep on; however, the general etiquette is storing your clothes in an assigned locker (only accessible with the wristband) and entering the with nothing but the towel and flip-flops.
Last time I went, I wore a cute bra-undies set, high heels and a lace kimono. This was permitted in the main area, upstairs in the play areas, but not in the spa room. To enter the spa, nudity is required; however, I have seen couples go in and out in swimsuits.
❤ Lounge furniture
❤ Dance poles
❤ Asian finger food
❤ Free snack at 4pm on Sundays
❤ Steam room
❤ Free massages (on certain days)
Spa’s Play Area:
James and I have visited the spa twice, both times on a Sunday. Single men are not permitted on this day. On these occasions it was quite calm, with most of the clientele passing to and from the spa or playroom.
The playroom is on the second floor and is made up of a variety of play spaces:
❤ Two private rooms with sliding doors that lock, and a window connecting them, should you wish to show off to the neighbouring party. If not, there is a curtain to block the view.
❤ A small communal space with large beds and several glory holes.
❤ A hole in a wall whereby you place your body, so only your bottom half is visible.
❤ A large communal space with a cage-like wall splitting the room in two.
❤ Showers, in case you need a wash!
The great thing about the Abso Spa is it offers tranquillity and temptation – you get to decide the experience you want!
There, I said it!
If you find yourself in the south of France, invest in your pleasure by discovering the top libertine club en France!
Have yourself a VIP Absolu weekend…
Until next time,
Fuck real well, friends!
Quean Mo xx
P.S. Tell me, what Abso location sounds the most exciting to you?