The question penis-owners will be asking until the end of time:
Does size matter?
I wish the answer was as straightforward as a yes or no. But, let’s be honest, it’s more complex than that and it wouldn’t make for great content…
So, does it matter?
As always, it depends on who you’re talking to.
Spectrum Versus “Normal”
To discuss whether size matters or not, it’s first important to define “size”…
Like with all body parts, when speaking about genitals I refrain from using the word “normal” in their description. Every body is different, as are their proportions. Of course spectrums exist, and upon those spectrums we can usually find averages. However, going outside of those averages does not make one more or less deserving of love and pleasure (even if our culture gives us mixed messages about this; i.e., an above average dick is generally met with pride by the owner, while a smaller than average penis is generally looked upon with more shame by the owner).
In an article by Healthline entitled, If You Have Questions About Your Penis Size, Read This, the very first paragraph states:
A 2020 review of research on penis size found that the average length of an erect penis is between 5.1 inches and 5.5 inches. Factoring in volunteer bias, the researchers believe that the average falls closer to the lower end of that range.
Healthline later confronts the fact that “around 85 percent of people with penises overestimate what the average penis size actually is” (6+ inches is the assumption). It doesn’t help that male porn stars are usually on the larger (monstrous) size, and the guys who unabashedly fling their members around change rooms tend to be in the same penile category*. I can’t say I blame them – if our culture made me feel particularly god-like about a part of my body, I’d probably be inclined to whip it around a time or two (in appropriate settings, of course)!
What’s important to remember is penis size, on its own, is not the critical factor in desirability or pleasure. If we’re learning anything, satisfaction has far less to do with penis-centric activities than it does other forms of intimacy and congruences between partners! That isn’t to say the penis can’t provide certain levels of pleasure (au contraire), but rather, the size of your penis is most likely nearer the bottom of the list of important qualities one seeks in a lover.
*My husband was shocked when he read this – may be a North American thing? Or was I just hanging around some interesting ppl?
Physical Compatibility (aka, congruence)
One conversation I rarely hear is the importance of physical compatibility, aka physical congruence. We hear about mutual attraction, emotional intelligence, and like-mindedness in regards to lifestyles and values, but what about congruency?
Physical compatibility, in this context, is simply when you and your partner’s bodies work in harmony, in a way that is satisfactory for you both.
I’m sure we’ve all heard someone, somewhere call a vagina “loose.” That, my friend, sounds like a person who owns a penis that couldn’t fill or be felt by that particular vagina. And that’s fine (but still, let’s drop the name calling).
For the love of pleasure, if you don’t want your penis judged, stop judging vaginas…(and vice versa)!
Physical compatibility doesn’t have to be everything, but it certainly is not nothing. What I mean by this is there are alternative ways to provide pleasure that do not include penis-vagina interaction. Listen, lesbians figured it out, gay men figured it out…
I think the heterosexual community needs to get on board. I know many men wish they could just get their dick wet(!!!), but listen…
Only 25% of women have orgasms through penetration alone.
What’s interesting is the % of female orgasm increases dramatically in same-sex partnerships and hook-ups! Hmm, I wonder why that is…?
It’s a question of awareness and pleasure.
Awareness of your partner’s anatomy and their specific desires!
Yes, people, stop worrying about your penis so much, and start focusing on pleasure. Take it from my friend Button Dick Brian, the man with a micro-penis…
His dick is so small that he can’t penetrate a vagina. But guess what? His partners have nothing but praise and appreciation for ol’ Button Dick, and he is living his best sex life! How?
Let me tell you…
If your partner has a vagina and you have fingers and a tongue, great, head on over to OMGYes.com and learn how to use them in a way that will bring you confidence in bed!
Secondly, if you’re really concerned about the size of your penis and whether you’re satisfying your partner(s), ask them! I get this may be scary because… Well, what if they confirm your fear?
Here’s what you do if that happens. You breathe, and you say, “I can’t change the size of my penis, but we can work together to bring more pleasure into our relationship. Would you be up for that?”
I bet they’ll say yes. If they don’t, well, I don’t think your penis is the problem…
Some great ideas to boost confidence and take the pressure off your peen are:
❤ Learn some new tricks (seriously, OMGYes is incredible!)!
❤ Explore intimacy without the goal of penetration, such as massage or role play!
❤ Plan an exploration date – check out the who, what, and how here!
❤ Discuss unexplored fantasies!
❤ Get some toys!
If you happen to be like my friend Brian, you can always invest in penis sleeves or strap-ons to provide the sensation your partner is after!
Your penis deserves your love, regardless of its size. It deserves pleasure, baby!
If you want to do a little exploring on your own, to see what feels good, try techniques, and/or give ya dick some appreciation, invest in a Pocket Pussy or Fleshlight!
There is no P and V in pleasure (okay there’s a p, but there’s also a whole bunch of other letters, so stop focusing on just that one!).
Listen, we all have our own body hangups, regardless of our sex or gender. We also have our preferences… So, I want to be completely honest here and say there are always exceptions…
What is a size queen, you’re wondering?
The term Size Queen refers to people who have a preference for a partner with a larger penis. This preference could relate to physical congruence (as discussed), the enjoyment of feeling full, or finding them nice to look at. Some size queens have said that they “enjoy the challenge” of a larger penis, and are turned on by the sensation of being “stretched.”
I hope it goes without saying that if someone rejects you due to the size of your penis, they are not your person!
Everyone is entitled to their preferences.
What people are not entitled to is reducing you to a body part or shaming you for the body in which you live. As someone who has been reduced to a body part many times in her life, I know it fucking sucks. But hear me when I say:
They just saved you some time.
Many of us have specific things that bring us pleasure, and we cannot hold it against size queens for knowing exactly what they like. They also deserve to live their best pleasureful life! But, no matter how hard it is to believe, there is always the opposite problem…
I have had men reach out to me fearful that they wouldn’t find a partner because their penises are too big.
Take this one guy – we’ll call him Ronnie. He had been seeing this girl for some time and felt a real connection. One night, she asked to go back to his apartment. When the moment came, and his gargantuan member was revealed, she fled the building. Of course, she first told him she couldn’t have sex with that thing (choice words!). He never heard from her again. His dick literally scared her away. Although she could have exited on a more sensitive note, that woman understood his schlong was not for her.
So, there you have it – even big dicks come with obstacles.
So, does size matter?
Only if it matters to you – the owner of it.
A piece of advice: maybe it’s time we all stop wishing for something more (or less) than what we have, and instead, accept ourselves and start building pleasure around more critical elements like connection, compatibility, and play…
What do you think?
Thanks for your QLQ .
P.S. Don’t forget to submit your own Quean Life Query , and have your question anonymously posted and answered by yours truly!
Published every Wednesday!
2 thoughts on “QLQ: Does Size Matter?”
You’re right that women tend to be more flexible about the size issue if they can get satisfaction from other ways. In my experience, men are a lot more finicky about the size of other men. Excellent links to interesting sites.