Do you engage in impact play, discipline, orgasm control, etc.? Do you consider yourself a degradee at all in BDSM play?
[Author’s Note: This article discusses BDSM play which includes Domination, submission, impact play and other forms of consensual power dynamics. The term “punished” is in quotations as it implies consensual play.]
If you’ve ever traveled with James and I – or let us crash at your place between moves – you’ve probably seen our jean Guess duffle bag. It’s always there, in a corner, or sitting in our luggage, never unzipped.
This bag has been following us around the planet for the last six or so years. Within it are some of our most treasured items.
Have you guessed what those items could be?
In case the QLQ isn’t a complete giveaway, that jean bag contains all of our BDSM gear and pleasure tools.
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One day we were on standby for a flight from Montreal to London. Unfortunately, the plane was overbooked and we were bumped to the next one. The even greater misfortune was that our luggage had already been checked and put on the plane.
The flight’s departure ended up being over an hour late because of our bag. They had to send someone to take it out and since we were one of the first to check our luggage, it was at the very bottom.
When we finally received them (there were two), we noticed one was absolutely destroyed. The zipper was busted, the material was completely torn, one of the two wheels had been ripped off. It was a disaster. So, we went to the airline desk and, within a few minutes, they offered us a larger, sleeker, new luggage. We had to move the contents of the broken luggage to the new one, and give the attendant the old one as proof of exchange.
There was an issue though…
The airport was packed like we’d never seen it before, and the contents of the broken luggage were not family friendly. Yep, we had to strategically and discreetly move all of our sex toys and kink wear from one luggage to another.
Did I mention that that’s ALL that was in that luggage? So much kink stuff that it filled the whole bag…
Long story short, James and I huddled in a corner, as far away from families as possible, and started grabbing and tossing, grabbing and tossing, grabbing and tossing, until the job was complete.
That’s when we realized we needed a designated container for all of our stuff, in case this ever happened again. Enter the jean Guess duffle.
Does the memory paint a picture of how kinky we are?
So much so that we travel everywhere with a bag of handcuffs, rope, chains, harnesses, vibrators, paddles, and spreader bars. How we’ve never been pulled into security, is beyond me.
We have so many kink items, we’ve had to leave certain things behind! (An embarrassing phone call from my mother comes to mind, telling me one of my nephews found a netted paddle, thinking it was a tennis racket! Or that time I accidentally ordered a bamboo cane whip to my workplace and MY BOSS received it at the front desk – luckily the packaging gave nothing away.)
All of that to say…
We are fond of our BDSM life. James considers himself exclusively Dom, meaning he has no desire to be a submissive, and he prefers sexual experiences that include D/s dynamics. We don’t always engage in D/s scenes, however – if you are a BDSM practitioner, you understand that a scene can take time and effort to set up. But when we do, technically, yes, I am a degradee in the sense that I enjoy bondage and name calling. Even though I am more submissive in our scenes, my “submissiveness” has evolved since the beginning of our relationship.
In the beginning, I was learning what I wanted and liked. I was more serving and obedient in our scenes; I played innocent or the “good girl.” Now, I’m a brat.
In terms of BDSM, being tied up and ravished while being called names is the hottest scenario for me. Yes, this may include impact play and orgasm control – sometimes I have to ask permission or tell James when I’m about to come, otherwise I’ll be “punished.”
Generally speaking, pain isn’t something that gets me aroused, but can maintain arousal once I’m in a deep state of it.
Personally, BDSM is my way of accessing a deeper, animalistic part of myself and James that I absolutely adore. When our brains switch over to that place of ferocity and hunger, we connect and discover things about ourselves and each other that no other state allows.
It’s such a wonderful thing…
So, tell me, are you a BDSM practitioner? What form does that take for you?
Thanks for your QLQ.
Q.
P.S. Before you leave, remember to subscribe to my email list! You will get more of me straight to your inbox and be the first to hear about the launch of The Queandom.
P.P.S. Submit your anonymous QLQ here!
I am a BDSM practitioner. I like very humiliation and degradation. Sometimes this includes pain. My wife understands me, but she does not like to humiliate me personally. My wife has outsourced that.
She orders a dominatrix for me, discusses with the dominatrix what should happen to me and then sends me to the dungeon.
Sometimes when I have to travel by plane, she locks me in a stainless steel cage. What leads to the fact that I have to embarrass myself at the security check.
“My wife has outsourced that”… What a wonderful line! And also a great example of having desires that your partner understands but doesn’t reciprocate, but is open to someone else fulfilling that desire for you.
Oh my, I absolutely loved this! I think one or our funniest stories was when we used to transport our acrylic cane to and from events. It wouldn’t fit in our case, so I used to hide it down the leg of my jeans so Matt (my husband) could drive. Nobody ever asked why I used to walk like a tin soldier on Sundays!
I’ve been a BDSM practitioner for 17 years with my husband, Matt, who is also exclusively Dom. We opened up our marriage three years ago (I needed more kink) and I’ve now got a fellow kink enthusiast in my life, Bill. Bill switches, but he is primarily Dominant. Bill and my husband get on really well and love degrading and objectifying me. I’m a brat as well, I always have been, but I’m more of a Sammie – a Smart Assed Masochist. I’m forever getting myself into trouble (I’m already there!) but I love it. I’m a strong woman by day, I need men in my life who love, understand and can handle that. I have no intention or desire to be “good” all the time, only sometimes!
Thankyou for this entertaining read 😊
Thank you for the read and the comment! So funny about the cane – we gotta do what we gotta do, am I right?
I’m so happy you’re living your best kink life with partners who understand and appreciate you. Also, this is my first time hearing the term SAMMIE – I love that!! It’s always great hearing other people’s stories and dynamics, so thank you for sharing!
Oh absolutely! We have a flogger hung up with a shoelace as well because it didn’t have a wrist loop on it. Us kinksters won’t be beaten! No wait… hehe.
Yes, Sammies are like brats but we do it because we know it’s going to smart hehe. Of course, and thankyou again for the entertaining read 😊
Haha yes, love this.