QLQ: I’m a cuck but my wife thinks it’s a trick…help!

A solid, light blue square with black paint splatter in the corners, and bold, black writing that reads "I'm a cuck but my wife thinks it's a trick...Help!" #QLQ

I am back after two full months of radio silence, with the exception of Facebook. A lot has happened:

<3 James has been speaking with a wonderful woman

<3 I got banned from Instagram

<3 We bought tickets to Frolicon (deets to come)…

Yes, James and I are on US soil and finally settling in. Regardless of the grieving process I underwent before flying away from France, I must say, I’m really enjoying myself. Pre-pandemic we tried to build our life in Atlanta, Georgia, and nine months in, we had to decide whether we stay or go. Due to circumstances that I won’t bore you with here, we chose the latter.

BUT, after three years, we’re back in the land of peaches and what better way to reengage with my naughty reader folk than through a hard-hitting cuck article!

This question is both complex and so, so common.

Before I dig into the meat of it, here’s the original inquiry:

I’m a cuckold. How do I convince my partner that this is true and it’s not just some ruse to get to sleep with other women.

In other words:

How can I get my girlfriend to trust that my cuckold fantasy isn’t a manipulative trick for getting my dick wet…?

First, I’d like to confront the quality of your communication. The delivery of a message can impact the way it’s received – this is exemplified in the original inquiry (elegant) versus my translation (trashy).

How we approach our partners, especially on sensitive topics, can impact the result. Therefore, I’d like to pose a series of reflective questions:

🖤 What did the original conversation look like? 

🖤 Have there been more discussions since? 

🖤If so, do you see an evolution or are you stuck in the same place?

🖤 If there haven’t been follow-up discussions, what’s stopping you?

Depending on the history of your relationship and the way your partner values sex, pleasure, and love, there may be more to unpack before the fantasy itself can be considered, let alone pursued.

For one thing, the fact that your partner is questioning your integrity implies there is a level of insecurity or lack of trust. This isn’t to say that they don’t trust you specifically (although, accusing you of manipulating them is a bit worrisome), but your fantasy could conflict with their idea of monogamy, sex, and/or feel threatening to the relationship.

Taking time to understand the root of your partner’s insecurity or concern will help define next steps.

For example, if your partner believes love and sex are two sides to the same coin (i.e., monogamy), yet they’re intrigued by your cuckold fantasy, they may need to adopt new, less restrictive beliefs surrounding pleasure and love. One option to address this would be bringing in a sex or relationship coach to help navigate this change.

Based on her concern, you’ll need to take time to prove yourself to her. If she decides that she would like to pursue your cuckold fantasy, but is experiencing doubt, negotiate baby steps.

This could be a great place to start: Mild to Extreme: 10 Exercises for the Uncrowned Cuckquean. (Despite its title, these steps can be applied to any cuck or Hot Husband/Wife fantasy.) 

During this experimentation phase, your goal as the cuckold is to show your partner how much you actually enjoy what’s happening. Let her see your excitement! Be open, ask each other questions, lean in to the thrill of novelty…

Prove that this is a real turn on for you – no strings attached!

On the flipside, your partner may simply be disinterested in dipping their toes outside of your relationship. If this is the case, you won’t be able to “convince” your partner of anything. You cannot force a person to want something they simply do not want. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t find fulfilling alternatives:

🖤 Role play (she tells you about an “affair” she’s had or you pretend to be another man she is cheating on you with)

🖤 Domination/submission (she is the Dom with a heavy lean on humiliation)

🖤 Ethical porn (you are “forced” to watch her get off to another man on screen; see: Hot Husbanding for Beginners: How to Ride it Out and adjust to fit your cuckold fantasy)

Even if your partner isn’t ready to take this step (or simply doesn’t want to), there are so many ways to simulate non-monogamy or other desires without putting the relationship or your wellbeing at risk. In fact, sometimes when we’re patient and lean in to exploration, we discover things about ourselves and each other we couldn’t have otherwise.

My cuckquean journey began in a strip club in Portugal. I didn’t go in thinking I’d come out a changed woman. I went in, excited to be a part of my friend’s first exotic dance experience. He left that club bored, I left aroused af.

All of that to say, wherever this cuckold fantasy takes you and your partner, so long as you:

🖤 Communicate

🖤 Hold yourself in integrity (with yourselves, each other and the relationship)

🖤 Respect your partner where they’re at

🖤 Experiment at the pace and comfort of the slower partner 

…you’ll benefit from this journey.

Thanks for your QLQ.



P.S. Are you still having trouble sharing your needs and fantasies with your partner(s)? I can help! Join my e-list and get my free miniguide, 3 Steps to Maximizing Pleasure in Your Relationship. This guide provides quick, tangible tools for immediate gratification! Get your copy now.

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