QLQ: First Sex Club Experience – Etiquette and Expectations

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Venturing into the world of Sexy Travel is a thrilling experience, albeit intimidating. 

One of our favourite flavours of ST is sex clubbing. My gateway into that scene was at the Oasis Aqualounge (OA). You’ve read it before, the OA is a vibrant and welcoming venue, filled with an electric atmosphere, setting the stage for unforgettable evenings of exploration and connection.

My first experience dates back to summer of 2015. James had been speaking to me about the OA for years, and I was eager to go. That first experience was memorable with a capital “M.” I felt like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon! Venturing into the palpable atmosphere, and into an eager crowd.

There’s something about the Aqualounge – if you give yourself over to it, you become one with the pulsing heartbeat of the evening…


Listen, I understand we don’t all have the luxury of losing our sex club virginity with a partner who knows the ropes. Many people find themselves navigating these experiences alone or with a partner who is as green as they are, which can present its own set of challenges. Hence, this week’s query:

“Hi Quean. My wife and I want to try a sex club, but were hoping you could give us advice since it will be our first time?”

Let me start by saying, sex clubs can be an awesome entry point into alternative sexual lifestyles. Whether you’re an open couple looking for your perfect unicorn or exhibitionists ready to show off your stuff, your first sex club experience is bound to leave a lasting impression. To have the most enjoyable night (and to ensure you respect the space and others), here are my top tips for your first sex club experience… 

Do Your Research

I mean it when I say it: do your research! 

Different sex clubs have different events, dress codes, entry fees and requirements, all of which should be listed on their websites.

Every club James and I have visited has an event calendar on their site, which may include “newbie tours”. Take time to review the events and decide which one(s) best reflect your vibe and desires. 

If you have additional questions, but can’t find the answers online, your best bet is to call the club directly.

Insider Info: If after you’ve conducted your own research, you’re still feeling a tad intimidated, the next step is to go, breathe and observe. Once you’re in the club, you will catch on simply by watching the clientele’s behaviour. Each club has its own culture, if you will. So, give yourself a moment to learn from those around you.

Seek Enthusiastic Consent

It saddens me to think that I have to include this piece, but consent is, of course, a non-negotiable for every experience both within and outside the walls of a sex club.

In other words, consent is the cornerstone of any sexual encounter, and this principle holds true in sex clubs as well. 

But, what exactly does consent look like in sex clubs?

Whether you want to watch or touch, always (ALWAYS!) obtain explicit consent before engaging with another person or group. 

Depending on where the sex club is in the world, consent may look different than you’re used to. For example, in North American sex clubs, verbal communication is the prerequisite; however, in European sex clubs, non-verbal cues, such as affirmative body language, tend to be more the norm (from my experience).

Of course, verbal communication is the clearest and safest form when asking for consent, as nonverbal cues may be ambiguous or misinterpreted. 

Enthusiastic consent is the aim. In simple terms, enthusiastic consent is when you seek the presence of an emphatic and enthusiastic “yes”, rather than the absence of a “no.”

I hope this goes without saying: Respect the boundaries and desires of others and remember that no means no – it is not a lexical equivalent for “convince me.”

Insider Info: The foundation of consent is communication, so be sure to keep yours warm and respectful. If consent has been given and you’re going to engage with another person or group, knowing each other’s desires, boundaries, and intentions will make for a great time. Be prepared to accept rejection gracefully and honour the choices of others. Similarly, be ready to give your rejections courteously. If you’re unsure about something, it’s always best to ask for clarification!

Dress the Part

In front of a blue wall, a sassy person is bent down, with an orange wig, harness and collar.
Photo by Kamaji Ogino on Pexels.com

When you choose your outfit for a sex club, my advice is to go sexy or classy (or strike a balance in between), whilst adhering to the club’s dress code. Most clubs have specific guidelines but may be subject to change depending on alternating themes. 

The important thing here is to know what you’re attending – as clubs range from casual to upscale attire – and dress the part. If your attire is too casual or goes against their dress code, you risk being turned away at the door (I’ve seen it happen). 

Insider Info: Dress to impress – it is a sexy atmosphere after all.

Practice Good Hygiene and Safe Sex

When visiting a sex club, personal hygiene is C-R-I-T-I-C-A-L! 

Although most clubs provide shower facilities for attendees to freshen up throughout the evening, it’s best to arrive showered and well-groomed. These spaces are all about considering other people’s comfort, and nothing cuts the turn on like some unpleasant odors.

And since we’re on the topic of body:

Protecting your sexual health and the health of others is paramount in any sexual encounter. Always use condoms or other appropriate protection when engaging in sexual activities. Be aware of the club’s policies regarding safe sex practices and ensure you have an adequate supply of protection readily available (most clubs have this on hand, so don’t be afraid to ask).

Insider info: If you are concerned about hygiene and safe sex in these spaces, reach out to the club and inquire about their policies and procedures for maintaining a clean and safe environment. This can include questions about their cleaning products, how often they sanitize, how condoms and lubes are distributed, or any other measures that’ll help you make an informed decision about your visit.

Manage Your Expectations

While sex clubs can offer a thrilling and liberating environment for exploring alternative sexual lifestyles and fantasies, each experience is unique and individual. Which is why it’s important to note that not every visit to a sex club guarantees intimate encounters.

Expectations should be grounded in reality and a deep understanding of the club’s dynamics. Recognize that not every visit or encounter will match your fantasies or desires, and that’s perfectly normal. Instead, focus on what the experience offers:

  • Personal growth
  • Connection
  • Creating unforgettable experiences that may be intimate or not. 

Consider engaging in meaningful conversations or exploring new aspects of your own desires and boundaries. This way, you can make the most of your time at the sex club and truly embrace the possibilities it offers.

To Wrap Up

It’s normal to feel a bit nervous before you enter your first sex club – after all, it’s not like everyone’s talking about them.

It’s an underground world that doesn’t always get the best rap. But I promise if you do your research, your first club experience will be pleasantly unforgettable (and one you’ll want to relive over and over and over again).

Until that day comes,

F*ck well, friends!

Quean Mo xx

P.S. Have you heard?  Last week I launched issue no. 1 of MAKING PLEASURE MAINSTREAM (MPM) – my monthly e-newsletter that is stuffed full of pleasure-focused content that you won’t find anywhere else! If you want a copy of June’s (free) issue, be sure to sign up now!

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