QLQ: How will my wife feel with a larger penis?

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“A cuckold is the husband or boyfriend of a person who has sex with other people. In a modern fetish context, a cuckold is a man who takes pleasure from his partner having sex with other people. The term cuckold is often shortened to cuck.” – Kinkly

Traditionally speaking, cuckolding is the male version of cuckqueaning; it refers to a man who enjoys his wife (known as the queen in this dynamic) having a consensually simulated “affair” with a man who is typically well-endowed and possesses greater sexual stamina. Cuckolding (like cuckqueaning) typically includes sexual satisfaction by humiliation.

I share this with you because today’s inquiry comes from a man who is pursuing the cuckold fantasy with his wife. His question: 

Being new to this, my concern would be how my wife will feel with a new penis. We’ve talked and she has mentioned she would like to do it with a man with a larger penis. Not huge, just bigger than mine, so it’s noticeable. In my mind, I wonder how she is going to feel/react as he gets going, etc.?

Because these inquiries are anonymous, I cannot follow up with clarifying questions. If I could, I would be interested to know:

• What do you mean by “concern”?
• Are you worried she will have a better/worse time with a larger penis?
• Are you concerned about her wellbeing in receiving another penis?
• Are you simply curious about the differing sensations penises can provide?
• Your wife expressed desire for a larger penis. Did she state any concerns herself?

I ask these questions to help identify the origin of your worry. 

Because your wife has clearly stated her desire for a larger penis, that desire in and of itself should negate concern. However, if your concern is more personal – for example, if it’s related to jealousy or some other painful emotion – take time to reflect on it.

Regarding how she is going to feel and/or react with a larger penis cannot be anticipated by a stranger on the internet (aka me). What I can tell you, however, is physical compatibility can play a role in how her and the bull facilitate sex. There’s always the possibility that a larger penis can cause discomfort; however, it can also provide a feeling of fullness, or barely change the sensation at all. It really depends on the physicality of both people involved. 

As someone who has had sexual encounters with a variety of penis sizes, I can tell you that the best experiences have been with those whom I’ve felt physically and emotionally safe with, and where compatible, if not, complementary sexual desires and chemistry existed.

In other words, levels of pleasure can be better determined by the harmony between partners, rather than the characteristics of the genitalia.

As always, my base advice: communication.

Your wife is the subject of your concern and curiosity and is therefore the best possible source for this information. I’ve included a couple discussion prompts below, in case you need assistance navigating this conversation. If it still feels overwhelming, you can bring in an expert to assist.

Communication Prompts (specific to this QLQ):

• [NAME], you mentioned you would like to experience a sexual partner who has a larger penis than me. Although I could be interested in exploring this, I wanted to ask a couple of questions first…
  
• [NAME], you mentioned you would like to experience a sexual partner who has a larger penis than me. Although I could be interested in exploring this, I have a few concerns. Would you be okay if I shared those with you…
  
• [NAME], you mentioned you would like to experience a sexual partner who has a larger penis than me. Although I could be interested in exploring this, I’m experiencing a few insecurities around… And was hoping we could talk about those before going any further…

If your wife is worried about how a new or larger penis will feel, discuss why. Secondly, if/when you pursue this fantasy, the bull should be debriefed on her needs and concerns. A few mechanisms that can be put in place for your wife to feel more relaxed:

• Select safewords to communicate her need a) to slow down (e.g., green), b) to take a break (e.g., yellow), c) to stop altogether (e.g., red).
• Schedule a ton of stimulation before penetration for her to reach a state of utter arousal (e.g., oral).
• Keep the pace of intercourse slow to gauge the initial sensations, and determine what positions work best for her.
• Don’t be afraid to use (lots of) lube!

Let Pleasure Be Your Compass

When I say, “let pleasure be your compass” in this context, what I mean is pay attention to what your pleasure is telling you. By pursuing your cuckold fetish, you are now experiencing an obstacle of sorts (concerns). Those concerns could be signals to a deeper issue that requires attention before continuing down this path.

The way to overcome your concerns, as I’ve mentioned, is through communication. When we communicate our concerns and give space for our partners to have their reactions, we can gauge our own level (or lack) of ease.

If speaking to your wife reduces or eliminates these concerns, fantastic. However, if they keep showing up, you may require a deeper level of self-reflection to understand the root cause of your worry.

As an example:

Perhaps thinking of your wife with a larger penis triggers jealousy. When you lean into that jealousy, what is it telling you? Maybe there’s an underlying fear of inadequacy – that you aren’t good enough, which leads you to a base fear of, “she will leave me, and I will be alone.”

Once you understand the base fear, you can then use tools to rewrite that narrative into something that better serves you, your relationship and your pleasure!

Regardless of what comes up for you (maybe it’s strictly curiosity), honoring who you are in the process right now is paramount. Your QLQ is a sign that you care deeply about your wife and the relationship you share. For that, I applaud you and wish you both the best!

Thanks for your QLQ.

Q.

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P.S. To have your anonymous questions featured on the blog, submit them here!